The Versions I’ve Been

I: We barely talk. Whatever that’s supposed to mean these days. You know what I think now? Maybe I stopped writing because being alone didn’t drain me like opening up did. Maybe I’ll write again, maybe just so the noise inside has somewhere else to go. We shift just to keep going. Or to stop breaking, I guess. Some days I don’t even know if I’m drained or just at peace with the heaviness.

II: There was a time I got scolded for not knowing how to tell time. Now I can’t just say what time it is, because I end up explaining how the whole clock works. That’s how I process the world now. I didn’t exactly sit down one day and decide on a passion. It started with a simple question, “Why?” Then came “How?” And the more I asked, the less content I found in the answers given. So I filled in the gaps myself. I’d always thought that way, but I didn’t realize it until later.

 

III: Every now and then, I catch myself laughing, like why did I even like half the stuff I used to? Back then, I must’ve been picking things blindfolded. I mean, come on, who was I trying to be? A lost cast member from Romeo and Juliet?

The Happy Mess

Just in a Curious Headspace Tonight
Treated myself to some Chinese food earlier, then grabbed a waffle and dunked it straight into vanilla ice cream. Now I’m casually diving into the quirks of the human mind. And because I clearly don’t sleep on time… I’ll be playing around with a late-night Mandarin sesh, just enough to sauté my brain cells before I turn into a sleepy potato.

The Brainiac and The Goofball
Once or twice, I entertain the notion that someday someone will read my scribbles and be like, ‘Yo, smarty pants, I think we’re kindred spirits!’ Funny thing is, I actually found one in Harvard Law School. 

Maybe I wrote for someone to find me, but surprise, surprise, I ended up finding someone else instead. : )

Meet Elyza Vinz

I still remember you fighting back tears
when your ‘trusted’ friends ditched you like it was nothing.

Honestly, you didn’t lose them.
No, they lost a once-in-a-lifetime find.

Trust is handing them your whole heart.

The right friends treat it like gold,
not toss it around for fun.

No one I know carries innocence like you do. When your little bunny passed away, you talked about him as if he still sat right beside you. I still remember you watering his resting place like you were checking in on an old friend. That’s not something you’re taught, it’s just how you are.

The moment your teacher asked for help, you gave up all your cash without a second thought, and that’s some serious cash that’d have everyday earners straight-up shook. Me and your grandma just about fell outta our chairs, hahaha.

Oh, and when I told you the housekeeper snagged mangoes from the neighbor’s tree, you just blurted, ‘Isn’t that stealing?’ like you were ready to bring out the handcuffs. You’re super good at figuring out what’s okay and what’s not.

And I swear, when your classmate tried to hit you, I was like, ‘For real?’ Striking a black belt on the head? That’s like challenging a calculator to a math contest. He just wrote his own embarrassment.

Still, even with how much smarter you are in every subject, you don’t look down on him when the teacher roasts his grades.

Not only that, you were the only one who stood up for him when your friends joked about his skin color.

Elyza Vinz, you’re exactly the friend everyone’s lucky to have.

Just Our Everyday Vibe

About a month ago, my 11-year-old sister popped into my room and said, “What do you think about me starting a business?” and I’m like, “Cool, I’m building a chip for my brain.” We both laughed. Totally normal sibling conversation. We tell each other the crazy stuff we keep zipped around everyone else.

We ain’t blood-related, but trust? That’s what feels like home. I told her if I screw it up, she doesn’t need to stick around and fake it. I threw this example her way, “How many sips of poison before it does its damage?” She looked at me like, ‘Dang, makes sense.’

Unless, of course, she messed with the trust line... I’d roll over, nap, and then ask if she wants ice cream. Have I ever lost my cool with my little sister? That’d be the same day pigs fly.