A learner origin story

 

June 8-24.
I realized I wasn’t just exploring new subjects. I was training myself to see connections, build structures, and think in systems. You know how most learners want speed first? I found myself wanting structure instead, because structure is what makes speed possible later.

June 25.
I.
How different is the learner sitting here today from the learner who started on June 8? Looking back, I think the biggest change is that I started out searching for a subject to study, but I ended up building a learner I can trust.

II.
Which version of me do I trust to stay consistent when nothing feels exciting anymore? The version with structure. The one that wakes up at 3:45 am. The one that studies even when nobody is watching.

June 28.
I ended up enjoying the mouth mechanics more than I expected because I became curious about how each sound was actually made. That curiosity led me to pay attention to what my tongue, lips, and airflow were doing to produce each sound. It got me asking questions like, “Is this syllable aspirated? Should my lips be rounded? Where should my tongue go? Am I getting the nasal sound right? Why doesn’t the native speaker match the tone chart?

June 30.
I think I’m getting better at making mind maps now. Once I see the system, I don’t have to brute-force memorize everything anymore. It’s like one keyword brings back the whole conversation because I understand the underlying connections, not just the words. Maybe my brain just works better with a system.

July 2.
Today, I actually think I’ve discovered my natural learning identity.

Come to think of it, I’ve been doing this all along without even realizing it. I never really tell myself, “I need to study.” I just keep finding things I can’t stop thinking about, to the point where I don’t even notice the time. It’s like stumbling across a song you just can’t stop listening to.

July 3.
Why do I study chinese for 12 hours every day, even when I’m not feeling well? As I reflected on this question, I realized something I hadn’t really put into words before. There’s someone in my life who believes in my ability to learn on my own.

Anyway, I noticed something about how I’ve been learning. Whenever I couldn’t get a sound right, I’d just keep repeating it until I got it right and get kinda annoyed at myself. From now on, I’m not getting emotionally attached to one sound haha

July 4.
Most people see Mandarin as this huge mountain they have to climb. But I never looked at it like that. In fact, I don’t even see Mandarin as a school subject. If anything, it’s more than just a language to me.

July 5.
I don’t tend to rely on memorization. Instead of memorizing 34 province-level divisions, 34 capitals, and 14 neighboring countries, I tied everything to one trigger. From there, I can name the neighboring countries, the province or autonomous region each borders, and instantly picture where each one sits on the map. I’ll show my chinese tutor how I do it so she can tell me if it actually makes sense haha

July 6.
Thirty-one days from now, I’ll finally reach out to my first Chinese tutor. I’m curious what it’ll be like learning from her. You never know. Maybe this is the start of my own The Karate Kid story.

An hour of Russian lit to make my own problems look small

 

Getting in an hour of Russian literature before sleep.

This is my special treat for sticking to my routine and studying early this morning. Honestly, it’s a struggle against my own patience, and I mostly just find myself staring blankly at the screen having a full-on existential crisis about whether to keep going or pretend I never started oh, and the imposter syndrome definitely creeps in.

So I just laugh at my own downfall.

My Russian era

 

My first Russian song

My first time singing along to a Russian song without getting tongue-tied. Actually, scratch that, my mouth definitely got confused a few times, but I kept going anyway till I finally ate up the pronunciation. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I’ve signed away my soul to the Russian language

I’ve been learning Russian from 5:00 AM to 1:00 PM using a 50/10 Pomodoro split, mostly so I can actually stretch haha. Then I take a 3-hour recess and just binge Russian videos from 4 to 8.

Then it's lights out.

I don't bother with dinner unless I'm actually hungry. Or who knows, maybe I'm just roleplaying as my favorite Buddhist monk who only eats twice a day. 🤍

not me ignoring my main language study lmao

 

Spanish isn't even my target language, but singing just makes me feel good.

 

(ㅅ´ ˘ `)♡

 

Hello! It’s been 6 days since I last wrote. So today, I just wanted to share a quote I came across years ago. It didn’t really mean much to me back then, but now it’s pretty much my north star. ⭐

“Nelson Mandela once said, ‘If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.’”

 

 

 

Also, here are some songs I enjoy listening to, one is in Korean, one in Bahasa Indonesia, and one in Khmer. 🤍

way past my bedtime

 

I’m really feeling the pressure to the point where I kind of want to cry a little bit, but there's no way I'm throwing in the towel, kase hulog na hulog na talaga ako sa kanya, which is why I'm still up organizing all these vocab notes.

 

Pang-isang daang beses ko na yatang pinakinggan 'to haha (◦ˉ ˘ ˉ◦)~♡

let’s see what being in love can do

 

Out of all the things to analyze I fell in love...

Bakit ang mga lalaki pwedeng walang damit pang-itaas kapag sobrang init ng panahon? Hinubad ko na lang sando ko since nasa kwarto lang naman ako haha. Wala sana ‘kong pakialam kaya lang 'tong kapatid ko kase, walang warning kung magbukas ng pinto. Naalala ko sabi pa niya dati ba't wala akong bra lmao

Anyway, change topic tayo. The weather's blazing hot, but I don't even care. Nakatambay lang ako sa harap ng laptop, umiinom ng malamig na malamig na Coke.

Ewan ko ba kung bakit ko tinitingnan ‘tong picture niya ngayon. Parang nakahinto lang ang oras. Wala na ‘kong pakialam kung ga’no kainit ang panahon, nasa isip ko lang talaga, pa’no siya makakausap sa language niya.

 

Theme song for my current state of delusionㅋㅋㅋ

Let’s see what being in love can do...

Starting my 60-day translation grind this Monday by locking in 12 hours of daily study, with occasional 16-hour sessions just to see how far I can go. I finally made my decision (〃＾▽＾〃)

 

secret hideout

 

It’s been nearly five days since I last wrote here, but that’s just how it goes sometimes. I’ve just been enjoying some quiet time reading manga.

Speaking of which, you know how “Ibitsu” and “Tomie” really left their mark, so believe me when I say “Sayuri” just unlocked a spot in my top horror favorites.

Anyway, back to my voluntary social isolation. ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ 

 "When you’re all alone… remember the ways I’ve taught you before.
The insides must be well, for the outsides to be too." 

Sayuri (Vol. 1–2) — Completed

A quick roundup of what I've been happily watching

"It's not a suitable lifestyle for everyone, but it's like a heaven to me."

"In a society full of constant pressure, solitude feels like oxygen."

a solitary escape

 

It’s almost 3:00 PM.

Treating myself to yangnyeom chicken, fries, and blueberry soda ‘cause I’m spending the afternoon binging BoogieSnacks manga bookstore runs, before switching to reading horror and psychological manga till bedtime ’cause that’s somehow my idea of relaxing.

Every manga reader knows this exact feeling...

“Growing up bookstores were always a safe space to just sort of zone out and read. There’s something about being alone in the manga section and having it all to yourself and sort of just leisurely browsing the aisles.” 🤍╮(￣³￣*)

“How many of you actually go out manga shopping with a budget and a shopping list and can actually stick to it because I was trying.” ( ° ° )

 

I had to stop chewing for a second when he asked, “Does that happen to anyone where you start reading a manga, then something else comes out, maybe an anime or that leads you to read the manga for that one or a light novel and next thing you know, months have gone by and you haven’t read that particular manga that you started months and months ago.” ( ° ° )

 

“This is one of my happy places to shop. This is a store that I can spend hours and hours and hours in.” ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و

current headspace

 

Give me all the manga

Alam mo yung feeling na nakatambak na yung mga manga at libro mo, hindi mo na alam kung anong uunahing basahin at kung anong tatapusin sa dami ng naumpisahan mo kaya ayon, nganga, wala ka nalang binasa?

Ang nakakatawa pa nyan, naghahanap ka pa ng mga itatambak na bagong babasahin haha ang lala. Anyone else get choice paralysis from having way too many books?

I just need to clear my head for a while so I can actually feel like myself again.

Kaya gagawin ko munang manga cafe 'tong kwarto ko hanggang Sunday. 📖📚٩(^ᗜ^*)و

 

Three things I’ll always fold for

1. Trust over love.

Too many people swear by love and wind up on a true-crime documentary. I want that childhood-level trust, but in return, I'll take your secrets to the grave like a loyal Pontifical Swiss Guard.

2. Making people laugh.

If I can make you laugh, I’ve protected your happiness even for a second.

 

3. Lastly, the ones who can make me laugh, or anyone who's ever expanded my field of vision.

Unluckily for my cold heart, they're the reason my world is multidimensional now, and not just a bleak, black-and-white.

me divided into three

 

ngl this is literally my ultimate dream. well, aside from owning like one or two.

5:29 Today I brought a novel with me. Stephen King’s “Stand by Me,” a story about boys who travel along the railroad tracks. It’s like a simple adventure, but somehow it feels like I’m looking at my own childhood.

Back then, just going to an unknown place was special. The feeling of “what’s ahead?” was much stronger than fear.

I think the reason I’m here deep in the forest now is probably because that feeling from back then still remains.

 

23:51 Walking through the dark forest, one realizes that people find comfort in “what they can see.” Just the absence of light can easily change the shape of the landscape. And the moment it disappears from view, people begin to fill in the void with their imagination.

 

24:24 Perhaps fear isn’t the existence of ghosts or monsters, but the lingering thought that “they might be there.”

some days I’m just chaos and high energy, and other days I'm exactly like this video.