After
overthinking it to death, I’ve finally picked the funny slogans I’m putting on
my workout and sales study trackers. You know how I love my human behavior
stuff, right? Well, I’m also into sales psychology now. At first, going back to
closing deals was just a hypothetical experiment, but little by little, against
every cynical bone in my body, I’m falling in love with it again.
Anyway, here are my official potato slogans:
Health
tracker: Don't become a bloated potato.
Sales self-study: A potato with a five-year plan.
I think the spark came back 'cause my brain treats this like the Enigma code
worth cracking (yung na-crack ni Alan Turing). Like, I can barely be bothered
to eat three actual meals a day or leave the house, but put me in front of case
studies and let me study on my own, and I’m back from the dead.
I've noticed that one of the main draws of this career seems to be the big
payouts. So I sat down, meditated on this a dozen times just to ask myself: if
money were off the table, and I were already a millionaire sunbathing in Monaco
or arguing over Lamborghini parking with billionaires just to buy emergency ice
cream, would I genuinely still want to do sales? Trip ko pa rin bang alamin
kung bakit nagno-no ang isang tao?
Anyways, hindi na ‘ko mag-o-open ng Messenger till December or baka next year
na because I gotta lock in. Once it's training time, Wi-Fi goes off and social
media stays off but my blog’s exempt (˶ᵔ
ᵕ ᵔ˶)
II. Secret snacks and pinky promises
Sunday.
No lil sis around, so I'm enjoying a guilt-free strawberry waffle, chili BBQ
fries, and a Sprite float in secret. Don't worry, I'm gonna sneak her a
surprise strawberry shake. Anyway, I have a few cases to examine since today is
my last day of freedom. I made a pinky-promise deal about my career with lil
sis and no, I’m not spilling the tea. She takes promises way too seriously, so
I gotta stick to my word.
Last
night, we listened to her playlist and had so much fun singing
"Circus" on repeat (na para bang mas feel ko pa). She was a bit down
at first ‘cause she felt betrayed by friends she had been nothing but kind to. I
just kept dropping little questions every now and then so she’d put two and two
together on her own.
I'm
done dodgin' arrows and puttin' out flames
For the sake of a game
Oh-oh-oh, you got me spinning 'round
Acting like a clown
Darling, my heart don't deserve this ♪
Sat:
Spanish latte + Taro Milktea (i'm not telling her)
Sun:
Caffe latte
Mon:
Spanish latte + Matcha green tea for me.
Plus ice cream for little sis to keep her hands off my drinks.
Tue:
Matcha latte
Wed:
Brown sugar espresso
Thu:
Spanish latte + extra shot for me. One strawberry matcha for the minor because
if I don’t get her one she’s gonna be like, ‘THE AUDACITTTYYYY!’
Fri:
Iced Americano
Sat:
Brewed iced coffee for me. Matcha milk + strawberry matcha for the kiddo.
(Gonna hide the cheesy sausage, ham & cheese, garlic cheese, and cinnamon
bread. But if she catches me red-handed, I'll sacrifice the garlic.)
I’m
getting it sorted now so I don’t have to waste time debating over drinks when I
need to be cramming. Btw, I'm building a solid base in sales before I throw
myself into the Megaworld grind. 'Cause lil sis would have some serious
ammunition against me if I just showed up expecting someone to hold my hand
through every little thing. I’d better make sure my skull isn't just hollow
space 'cause I always tell her to think for herself. Academically, kiddo's
either in the top 5 or sitting at rank 1. Now, if she ever knew sales had
rankings, too, she'd absolutely roast my ass into oblivion if I couldn't even
wiggle my way into the top 10.
II. You can't put this in Excel
Back
in grade school, our class adviser called me “bobo” in front of the whole
class. Then she even spelled it out. B-O-B-O.
Sobrang
motivational noh? It’s like, nothing gets me moving quite like being publicly
destroyed by a teacher in front of the whole class. And when everyone’s
laughing and you’re put on the spot, you just laugh along. What else can you
do? I was just sitting there trying to laugh it off, giving an Oscar-worthy
performance just so nobody noticed my own destruction chubby cheeks.
Here's
a little backstory.
I
transferred from a private school to a public one, and my new adviser seemed
determined to prove that the students there were better than me. You'd think I
didn't even deserve a place in her Section 2 class. But bless my old school for
drilling the routine of praying before class into us, as well as treating
teachers like parents. Besides, what's the point of a private school if I can't
even show basic manners? So there I sat, being publicly humiliated wondering how
this counts as teaching kung iaabot ko pa ba sa kanya ‘tong dalawang empanada
na pinapasuyo ng nanay ko.
Alam
mo ba, hinintay ko munang maiwan kaming dalawa. Inabot ko yung balot ng
empanada nang mabilisan tas tumakbo ako na parang nag-iwan ako ng granada. On
the bright side, I didn't come out of that experience completely humorless. I’d
choose her as my teacher all over again. I just know that at some point, she
ended up enjoying having me around. She even paired me up with a ka-loveteam
who was also into Dragon Ball Z haha
Decades
later, that chubby-cheeked kid landed an analyst role at the number one bank in
the US. JPMorgan Chase. But the coolest thing I did there wasn't drinking all
the free drinks at their vending machines and playing werewolf games with the
work fam. It was just another client call where I thankfully felt human again.
Not like some lifeless fish, or some AI robot with the warmth of a morgue.
The
client started telling me about the things he was struggling with, and I just
listened. I shared a little about how I'd been clueless about a lot of things
myself. I was even just fumbling my way through things at first, and we kinda
laughed about it. But that doesn’t mean we can’t learn it or that we're just
bad at it, right? We can just take it one day at a time.
And
then I shut up.
After
a few seconds, he said something that completely exposed me as a total softie.
I even saved it in a sticky note on my computer.
“Rose,
you make me feel good.”
Oct 22
Dinner
time. I'm listening to "The Reason a Doctor Will Outsell You Every
Time." Might as well get a little smarter habang ngumunguya. Sunday’s when
I’m gonna map out my big goals for the next five years, then break them all
down into one-year, six-month, and three-month chunks. I also want to know what
could screw this up so I don’t freeze like a deer caught in headlights. Or
worse, get tangled up in romance when my honest-to-god goal is to just see what
it’s like to live like a Buddhist monk before I die.
Speaking
of distraction, you wouldn’t believe how many curious souls have tried to shoot
their shot with me using "Wrecking Ball." Kung yan naman ang go-to
song ng mga taong curious sa'yo, mapapaisip ka na lang kung para sa’yo ba
talaga ang romance, noh? Like, they're putting all this energy into you, and
you're just trying to decide if you want chicken or pork for dinner ‘cause you
just don't seem to fall in love the way everyone else does.
Oct 23-24 I. She's
good at making my ragebait backfire
Little
sis and I saved a drowning rat earlier, and she was so happy that Mickey Mouse
got his freedom. I asked her why saving it was such a big deal when we could’ve
just ignored it. She looked at me like I’d just escaped from a mental hospital.
If she can survive me playing devil's advocate, nobody else out there can
easily get under her skin. Of course, she makes sure I get my daily dose of
karma too. ＨＡＨＡＨＡ
II. You can call me a zeta, a psychopath, a
house cat, or whatever lore you come up with
You
know what this picture makes me think of?
I'm
standing up here by the window, looking across at the other building, and
honestly, just watching people walking along the streets below lowers my
cortisol levels.
You
might be wondering why I'm gatekeeping my peace, hmm... kase minsan, gusto mo
lang mag-exist nang walang kumakausap sa'yo. It's kinda like when you're on the
toilet. Yung nagkukuskos ka ng toilet bowl ha? Hindi mo naman aayain ang best
friend mo na tumambay habang ginagawa mo yan, di ba? But jokes aside, I don't
leave my peace in someone else's hands.
Anyway, I may have come up with a little character sketch of you today. You’ve
got that thing like... how would I put it? You don’t dilute your flavor just
because some people can’t handle the spice or just downright lack taste. Ngl,
that's one thing that stood out to me. Plus, you don't want things just handed
to you. It's almost like you like your wins well-earned. Parang mas satisfying
sa'yo na pagtrabahuhan ang isang bagay kesa basta na lang iabot sa'yo on a
silver platter. You also come across as someone who likes keeping a little
mystery. I could be wrong, though. Feel
free to laugh at me. I'm gonna pass this off as fiction and disappear 😂
Nov 11 The
Observer's Notes
Ano
ba talaga ang dahilan kung bakit gustong-gustong umuwi ng isang bata?
May
mga batang excited na makauwi kase alam nilang may yayakap sa kanila pagdating
nila. Yung hindi pa nga nakakapaghubad ng sapatos, may magtatanong na kung
anong nangyari. May mag-aalala kapag hindi maganda ang pakiramdam nila at
mag-aasikaso kapag hindi sila okay. And then there are those who grow up never
knowing what that feels like, or that they could have had it too.
Sila yung mga
batang umuuwi na may sugat sa tuhod, tapos wala man lang naghihintay sa kanila
sa bahay. Sila na lang din ang maglilinis ng sugat nila. How do you even
recognize that kind of grief when it doesn't look like what we usually
associate with sadness? Have you ever listened to a grown man cry as he talks
about the boy he once was, who just wanted someone to hold his hand?
Now I'm just here, watching him look at someone who had the kind of childhood
he never got to have. People might mistake it for envy. But what if it's not
even envy? Maybe it's not that you want what someone else has. You just find
yourself asking God what it would've been like to have that, too. Tinatanong mo
na lang Siya... Why did I have to feel abandoned?
A part of me wishes he had never had to go through any of that. May parte sa
pinagdaanan niya na akin din naman. Pero hindi excuse yun para i-compromise ang
morality ko. Alam ko namang basag na yung tao, but a tragic upbringing can
never be a free pass to keep passing the damage around.
Mar 8
The ones you least expect
I
was looking into a case earlier involving 11 different individuals. It’s such a
random mix of people with totally different backgrounds, kaya naman kanya-kanya
sila ng trip at diskarte sa kung pa'no sila mag-cope. Wala naman akong balak
mag-imbestiga sa buong buhay nila. Gusto ko lang talagang makita kung ano yung
mismong nag-forge sa kanila. It’s a shame the file just glossed over that.
Hindi
yung mga halatang sketchy na tao na pag nakasalubong mo, mapapalingon ka na
lang sa likod mo. O yung mga taong mapapa-isip ka kung safe ka ba talaga kapag
kayong dalawa lang ang nasa elevator. You know what I always tell my little
sis? It’s always the ones who seem the safest who you really need to watch out
for.
Feb 9
0% room for error
So
I’m watching this top-tier neurosurgeon do a brain surgery the other day and it
was just so intense. Like, imagine you're 77 and you stay awake the whole time
while he places an electrode into a spot in your brain no bigger than a grain
of rice. I can accept that the brain feels no pain, but I just can't get over
the nightmare of knowing that if he’s off by even a teeny-tiny millimeter, your
speech is messed up.
I
happened to see some bomb-defusal scenes, too, and it’s actually so terrifying
because one tiny error could kill them. I mean, imagine being under that kind
of pressure where it’s their life on the line or everyone else’s. Talk about a
deadly trade-off. Can you imagine a job where you can't just walk away when it
gets scary, because it’s on you to make sure nobody else dies?
I’d
literally just pass out in 5 seconds.
Jan 19
Love and loss are the same thing
When
I write, it feels like I’m just talking to a friend over coffee I’m pulling up
a chair to talk to someone I’m really comfortable with, and I guess the song
just sets the scene for what I’m actually scared of.
It
was heartbreaking seeing her so lost, like she was losing her mind right there
in the hospital hallway. It’s like everything inside her just stopped to the
point where she forgot how to even function. Wala nang natira kundi yung shock.
That alone already broke her, but the rejection from her family was the final
blow. What do you even do when the person you love is just... dying right there
in front of you?
That’s
when I realized that loving someone this much means one day, you'll have to
lose this much, too.
listening
to: rita ora 🎧 poison
Jan 14
The father
There’s
this case I ran into the other day that left a weird taste in my mouth. Was it
even the killing that got to me? Not really. It was watching how extreme love
can be just as unsettling as extreme violence.
Most people felt they understood why the father swapped places with his
daughter and staged the crime as his own. Kasi diba, sinong ama ang hindi
handang maging halimaw para lang protektahan ang kaisa-isa niyang anak? Most
were quick to praise him, saying anyone else would have just saved their own
skin. But he didn’t. Some were like, you can’t really know… not until it’s your
kid in the fire, and you can’t just look away.
Kapag nakita mong nasusunog ang anak mo (literal o figurative), hindi magse-set
up ng Excel sheet ang utak mo para i-calculate lang ang pros and cons. Bago pa
makapag-isip ang logic mo, nakatalon ka na sa apoy.
While most were busy romanticizing the sacrifice, a few kept questioning why a
murder cover-up was being hyped as heroic. Honestly, I noticed myself wanting
to admire the father. But I didn’t. I’m neither the dad nor part of the crowd.
All I did was watch what the story brought up in people.
Jan 11
The girl
There
was this case of a girl who went through abuse from her father and was just
abandoned by her mother. Somewhere along the way, she stopped being able to
feel for other people. It’s like her heart carried too much pain and had to
close. On the outside she went about life like any other student, even covering
her own tuition. By the time she graduated college, she had learned how to look
okay on the outside, even though inside, she was living in her own hell.
Anyone
can have their opinion about her crime. That’s their take, not mine. Deciding
who deserves hell isn’t my job anyway. I’m not here to play judge. I’m trying
to understand how hell gets built inside a person.
Kinda
explains why people-watching’s my thing. Not that I’m wondering what they’re
really feeling or trying to read them or anything. I’m no Sherlock Holmes,
geez. I just like watching the cause and effect of people’s choices. That’s it.
Jan 7
The Illusion
Last
year, I came across two cases. One was a college student in an old neighborhood
who was raped and had her money stolen by a plumber she had believed she could
trust. The other was a girl in a condo who was killed by a close friend who had
access to her place.
Sometimes
I think “safe” is just a word we like to believe in.
One
victim trusted a stranger who appeared helpful. The other trusted someone they
thought they knew well.
This
made me pause and think about how I’d explain this to Elyza. But instead of
just telling her that trust isn’t something you hand out like candy, I’d rather
ask, “How would you navigate that?”
Apr 23,
2025
The love letter
Your
eyes were a silent cry despite the smile on your lips. You held a smile, even
as you fell apart like a wineglass in slow motion. In that quiet sorrow, I saw
your heart kneeling in prayer. You bleed, yes, but you still carry the devil so
gracefully.
I,
however, speak to him like we’re both in on a joke, while sipping on a chilled
glass of orange juice, as my little sister casually munches on ice cubes.
Companionship without ownership
Love
is not a rescue mission.
Saving is ego’s way of pretending it’s a lifeguard,
because it sees someone as broken.
We
may bend, my darling,
but we never break.
Saving
is ego.
Seeing is loving without editing.
One
believes,
"You're incomplete without me."
The other whispers,
"You are not alone, my friend."
One
is a cage
dressed as care.
The
other is an altar that says,
"Whether you come or go, your freedom remains."
How do I get past the boring
introduction part? Oh well, how else do you survive a brain that gets bored at
the speed of light? You become an observer. That's how I wind up researching
things that won't even earn me a free hotdog. I also question things, like
thinking ahead, and don't take myself too seriously. I can spend three hours
investigating a case and then seek advice from eenie-meenie-miny-moe.
Anyway, if we ever bump into each
other, malay mo lang. Just cross your fingers and pray the smarty-pants is out
of hiding, because the other option is trying to push a pull door. ლ(╹ε╹ლ)
Biro lang. Tahimik talaga ‘ko sa totoong buhay. Titingnan lang kita habang iniisip kung
kailangan kitang iwasan.
The
blog got dressed up
Mag-BFF na back-to-back
kung mag-overthink ng worst-case scenarios
Si Observer ang paboritong subject
ni Inquisitive. At si Playful naman ang takas sa mental hospital walang
ambag sa kanilang anxiety 🤪
The Retired Identity: Notes from Underground
If we haven't
met before, my name's Iya. This blog is called Notes from Underground because
it's my absolute favorite novel about a man I would absolutely block on social
media the second he starts ranting about his liver. If the narrator and I ever
shared a table at a café, we’d probably get along for reasons that would make a
random stranger eating a muffin reconsider having kids.
About me
I've always
thought of life as one big survival game. Once you lose your life, it's game
over. You don't get a practice round. Ever since I realized that, I've become
my own science project. I'm the mad scientist. And I am also the little mouse
running around doing all the tests. So my journal is where all the experiments
end up. I write it all down so some random stranger can accidentally find it
and make a meme out of my whole life before throwing it like a frisbee into a
passing smelly-ass garbage truck.
The Rise and Fall: 𝕊𝕥𝕒𝕣𝕥𝕓𝕪𝕨𝕣𝕚𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘
I enjoy
writing, doing research, and building my own understanding of things, and I
think that’s one way I fight off brain rot and the habit of just consuming
stuff without actually processing it. Or maybe I just get bored really easily.
If you don’t know me yet, hello! I’m Iya.
About me
Sometimes I
get interested in so many things at the same time, and then I get so
overwhelmed that I don’t even know what to pick first. It’s funny ’cause I
kinda look like I just froze, like I don’t even know what’s going on anymore.
My little sister always wonders how I know so much random stuff, and I’m like,
I dunno, maybe I’m a philomath, or maybe I’m just curious about way too many
things. I’m actually super quiet in real life, but I’m usually thinking through
a lot of questions.
Once I
recover from my little mental collapse, I’m like, hmm, what looks the most
interesting right now? And maybe that’s just how I process things. I can get
really into doomscrolling too, but I can also get really into reading
interesting science stuff, looking into things I don’t know much about,
writing, working out, or singing songs in languages I don’t even speak.
Before the rebrand: The observer
A low-key,
associative observer. My curiosity keeps turning everyday stuff into questions,
and those questions often turn into little beta tests on myself. On a regular
day, I’m just like an NPC until curiosity turns me into Sherlock Holmes’ secret
apprentice.
Nag-experiment
ako kahapon. Sinubukan kong magpuyat hanggang alas- kwatro ng madaling-araw
ma-gauge ang energy level ko. Kaso napansin ko lang, ba't parang galit yata
mukha ko pagkagising? Ayun na nga, na-realize kong di ako pang-vampire life.
Gumuho na rin ang pangarap kong maging bouncer sa mamahaling club. Biro lang.
I've
tried staying up till midnight for weeks, too. I was rationalizing the behavior
because I have a preference for independent study. But if I'm being real with
myself… I felt like a literal empty shell. Mukhang hanggang sunset lang ang
energy ko, noh? Pagpatak kasi ng alas-sais, mas lumalakas ang attachment ko sa
kabilang buhay.
Mukhang
kailangan kong i-adjust ang sales career sa oras ng tulog ko HAHAHA. Baka
kailangan kong makabenta ng ₱20 million condo bago mag-sunset?
Oct 15 I
Why
are lattes so good? Like, why does this taste like I’m on a coffee break in the
Vatican and nonchalantly reading Latin inscriptions? Anyway, it’s almost 5, had
to snag a chocolate caramel cupcake too. Thank God I’m single 'cause my card
would decline if I bought two.
Anywho,
I'm gonna watch The Cornish Mystery and probably a few more episodes. I think
I’ve found my new obsession, and his name is Hercule Poirot. The fact that we
both have a cleft chin makes me so happy. Now if only I’d gotten his brain
cells too.
II
I’ll
tell you what’s in my 'watch for fun' folder later. Or maybe I’ll just show you
my inspiration wall. O kaya wag na lang pala. Anyways, don't you think what we
watch says a lot about us? Sabi nila, malalaman mo raw kung ga’no ka-unhinged
ang isang tao sa mga pinapanood niya. I'm kinda curious what you'd say.
Ewan
ko ba kung anong gustong mangyari ng algorithm ko, di niya alam if I’m trying
to get a six-pack in 30 days, realign my spine, or whether I even need a real
Porsche with my nonexistent budget.
Oct 17
You
know what's kinda interesting? Something happened tonight, and it made me
realize how our minds can just wander off somewhere we weren't even trying to
go. I was just out getting some chicken and fries tas bigla ba namang bumanat
ng love song yung tindahan. And of all the parts, Lord... ito pa ang sumalubong
sa’kin: “Don't love me for fun, girl. Let me be the one, girl. Love me for a
reason. Let the reason be love.”🎵
Huwag mong sabihing binasa mo lang yung lyrics. Anyway, can’t you just love
someone without a reason?Because
if you think about it, if you fell in love with someone for a reason, couldn't
you also fall out of love with them for a reason? And what happens when they
stop being the person you fell for? What if the person who made you feel safe
doesn't feel safe anymore? Or what if someone else comes along and has all the
little things you fell in love with? Does your love change, too?
This
is how I understand love while munching on fries
"I
didn’t ask you to like me back."
Oct 18
I'm
sitting here watching this, and three thoughts just came up. But I’m not
gonna write that One, I got this random urge to pick Italian back up. Two,
I wonder if getting married and settling down are even on my life's itinerary.
And three, How the hell can I piece together a case but can't seem to wrap my
head around why a certain someone keeps sneaking into my thoughts? Like, when
I'm studying, watching stuff, scavenging for snacks, or just out for a walk.
Ba’t naman ganon self?
"Don’t
you think that human beings tend to reproduce certain patterns?
I wore my
favorite navy-blue sweater today and headed to a little coffee shop nearby for
a hot hazelnut coffee. Since it's Sunday, I thought I'd watch some Hercule
Poirot. I want to break down how Poirot actually solves a case. What does he
spot that gives him an advantage over everyone else? What does he catch while
I'm confused as hell? How does he challenge his own assumptions? What about me
tho? How do I challenge my own thinking?
Anyway, I'm
finally cracking open Poirot and Me tonight.
II. Don't you love when you can just share
a space with someone and it's not awkward?
I like going
to this little coffee shop. The barista here is super cute and makes really
good coffee. He sings like nobody's listening, smiles at me, and doesn't try to
make small talk. It's just so peaceful here.
III. An introvert walks into a conversation
I have a soft
spot for friendly people, but it's like they bring out the unemployed comedian
in me. If I'm put on the spot to introduce myself or like, if someone out of
nowhere asks if I'm single or whatever, bigla kong maiisip yung asawa ko no’ng
panahon ng mga dinosaurs.
I’ve been watching this Thai
YouTuber ’cause I really like her style and wanted some inspo for dressing more
girly but still kinda swaggy. But then I got way too invested and started
picking up on how she does things, especially how she manages her money, work,
time, and energy.
Like, she has these golden rules:
Don’t be too strict with yourself.
It’s stressful.
Choose work that gives you the
flexibility you value.
Don’t sacrifice sleep if it makes
you think worse.
Organize your money into
purpose-specific accounts.
This last part was what really won
me over:
“I create a
monthly income statement. Tracking all income and expenses. I can still go back
and see exactly how much I earned that year… it helped me understand where my
money is. How much I’ve saved, and how much I’ve grown this year. If I
overspend on something, I’ll know to cut back next month. So now I have a good
sense of what’s worth buying and what’s not.”
Sep 19
I. Reverse Card
I was
actually supposed to be reading a book right now, but out of nowhere, I started
wondering what kind of person I’d want to be with. Hmm. Now that I think about
it, I don’t really expect anything specific. I guess I just care about whether
I’m a good person to be with. Like, whether I can keep things funny and
lighthearted while learning from my own mistakes and what I see around me.
II. Associative
Have you ever
wondered why you even have a favorite color? My favorite color is white, and I
also like soft colors. White just makes me feel super relaxed while soft colors
are just like my little sister who’s always so happy unless someone manages to
annoy her.
III. Pre-mortem thinker
I’m into
systems thinking and behavioral psychology 'cause I get a kick out of breaking
down where the hell other people and I screwed up. One principle I'm trying to
apply now is Charlie Munger's idea that “all I want to know is where I'm going
to die, so I'll never go there.”
IV. NPC
I like
checking out food spots where everyone’s squeezed in together, like street food
stalls or places inside a mall na halos kandungan na kayo ng katabi mo para
lang makakain. And I also just like sitting back and looking at busy streets.
Just watching strangers walk around while others sit at sidewalk cafés,
laughing and chatting over a meal. Sometimes I even overhear what they're
laughing about, and I get caught up laughing too.
I guess you
could say I'm content with just looking at people but I don't want to talk
to them watching what goes on around me. So if I’m opening up to you, just
know I'm either gonna get straight to the point or it just means you’re someone
I really, really care about.
Sep 21. Just a random thought I'm having
I had to
squeeze through a crowd just to get some kwek-kwek from a food cart. I also got
a matcha latte, but this is going to be my last one for a while before I
completely cut out processed sugar. Let’s just say I want to see what happens
to my face and body once I stop putting the usual not-so-healthy stuff into my
system.
Which is
kinda why I’m watching something about the psychology of beauty. Do
good-looking people actually tend to be healthier, or do we just think they
are? Hold on, am I just gaslighting myself into thinking they're healthy just
because they look good?
Sep 22
I
I decided to
take a break and try a few quizzes just to see what they might pick up about my
thinking patterns.
One quiz said
I’m wired to spot links between things and make sense of why I do what I do,
but it still doesn’t know why all I can cook is boiled eggs. I laughed when it
called me out for jumping from one interesting thing to another like I have no
attention span, then just decided I’m an ambivert. Did this quiz just turn into
a game of Two Truths and a Lie out of nowhere?
II I got my lil sis a blueberry soda as a surprise. I realized I
might’ve taken the teasing a little too far the other day and felt kinda awful
afterward. When I get hyper, I’m like ten times more annoying than she is
(oops).
III
You know how
some people are like, super obsessed with Googling and researching stuff all
day? Yes, I get locked in on that stuff too. Except my writing's way less about
research and more about whatever I notice. Like, right now, I’m just looking at
my homepage and this Vanessa Van Edwards name pops up, and come to find out
she’s got this whole thing built around understanding human behavior.Okay, I’ve
got like seven tabs open. Let’s see what I can learn from how she approaches
this.
Sep 29
Yung pilit
mong sinasabi sa sarili mo na part ng study aesthetic ang iced latte at
sandwich para lang ‘di ka makonsensya sa diet mo(haha)
I’ve got 83
video lectures to work through, along with some pretty heavy reading. Before I
get started, I want to establish why I’m going through all of this in the first
place. And five days from now, what do I want to be able to explain or predict
that I can’t yet? What problem will I be able to solve that I can’t solve now?
And where am I actually going to use this?
I’m just
getting ready for whatever gets thrown at me in sales. And there are two things
I want to nail down.
One, I want
to anticipate how I’m likely to respond when things go wrong. What if I work my
arse off and still don’t close a single sale? How am I likely to behave when
I’m actually out there prospecting, following up, and doing viewings, but they
aren’t turning into sales? What happens to my thinking when I see other people
succeeding and I’m not? Honestly, I don’t even wanna know. I'd rather just have
a plan like I’m El Profesor’s protégé from La Casa de Papel.
Two, I want
to be able to look at a situation and explain what made someone say yes after
saying no.
Sep 30
I just had
this really good iced Spanish latte, and now I'm watching a show about a
billionaire hypnotist in Cape Town and thinking, I need to learn how to
hypnotize myself into only wanting water. Anyways, I just wanna see if I can
learn anything from him (or use it to troll my little sister) because I just
can’t seem to watch anything normally.
Oct 2
I. Behavioral
Just got a
caramel macchiato, and now I’m setting up for a 10-hour study block using 50/10
pomodoros. At least with the timer, I know when it’s time to get serious at
kung kelan ako magsasayang ng buhay kado-doomscroll hehe. The Pomodoro’s just
there to give my attention some structure 'cause I’m either hyper-focused or
like completely brain-dead.
II. Psychological
If I ever got
cheated on... how would I see it?
Like, would I
just see it as a sign of someone who never actually respected themselves to
begin with? Would I even want to look at a person who just throws away their
dignity like it’s a used sanitary pad? Or would I just think, how can they even
look at themselves after that and not feel cheap? So, why do I think this way?
I think some
of this goes back to my dad.
When I was
just a kid, my mom died of cancer. My dad used to tell me how she was
constantly coughing up blood toward the end. Things got so bad that I had to go
live with another family, and they raised me. And through all those years, my
dad never had anyone else until he died in 2010.
Oct 3
I It’s lunchtime. Am I even looking at my food right now? Nope. I
don't even know why I'm sitting here drooling over supercars.
Oh, maybe
because when I was a kid, my older sis had this whole collection of toy
Ferraris, Lambos, and other exotic cars. God knows where she got them all. One
thing I remember really well from when I was little is that I always had a
thing for this little red Ferrari. I used to read the names on the boxes too,
but I probably said them all wrong. Oh, and I used to smash the other cars into
each other just for fun, then I'd wonder why the heck they were so tough to
crack. And of course, I wish I'd known back then that I wasn't supposed to do
that to supercars. Maybe that’s why I just moved on to playing Wolverine haha
II
Sobrang sarap
ng matcha croissant, buti wala dito si Elyza. Pero okay lang, may pa-matcha
strawberry naman ako sa kanyang pampalubag-loob. I also hid this little mystery
box for her in my closet because she always snoops around in there for
snacks anyway I noticed she looked pretty down when she got home from
school the other day. So I decided to save it for her not-so-good days. Pwede
siyang bumunot ng isa, o sige dalawa na para super happy siya tsaka para
makapag-move on na ’tong batang ’to sa burger na kinain ko mag-isa.
Anyway, this was her back when she still had those chubby cheeks.
III
Alright, so
I've been analyzing how the multi-millionaires and billionaires spend their
days. Like, where does their time even go? How are these guys guarding their
time? And then I got to thinking... what changes in the way they make decisions
when money stops being a constraint? Like, when I’m broke, am I really gonna
overthink buying a milk tea?Interesting
yung difference between constraint-based purchasing and preference-based
purchasing, noh?
Oct 6. How sitting by a window can be so expensive
I’m just
sitting by the window and thought I’d write down whatever came to mind. Then
one thought led to another and now I’m like, what if a blank check just landed
in my lap right now? What the heck would I even buy first?! Maybe a racing
simulator, a telescope, a microscope... what if I just buy out an entire manga
collection instead?
Oct 7. There’s one kid who might absolutely destroy this narrative
haha
A guy wrote
this about me way back then:
“Makulit sya,
pero hindi yung nakakainis, yung kulit na nakakatuwa, akala ko nga nung una
seryoso syang tao pero hindi naman pala todo, may pagkamakalog din pala sya,
sabe nga ”dont judge the book by its cover”, yan, isa din yan sa lagi nyang
sinasabe.
,,at mahilig
sya sa libro, aklat, novels, bible at mga research, in short mahilig sya
magbasa. kapag may book masaya na sya, napakasimpleng ugali na magugustuhan ng
kahit na sino (isa na ko don). kung isa syang book anu kaya sya? siguro
mystery. bagay sa kanya ang ‘dont judge the book by its cover’, yung cover nya
seryoso pero kalog pala page, yung cover nya malalim pero masasabayan mu palang
basahin, yung cover nya hard (kase ayaw nya ng iyak) pero softhearted din naman
pala ang nilalaman. makikilala mo sya kapag nakilala ka na nya, maybe ”its the
book that didn’t judge who reads her”.
I wondered if
he was just describing the little things he had picked up on, or if he was
really trying to understand me. But if he was trying to understand me through
what he observed, what was he telling me about himself without actually saying
it?
Oct 9. The playful one
I
I'm easy to
win over.
You know how
some people spend hours learning things like it's gonna buy them a Ferrari, and
others need a push? All you have to do is wave a hotdog sandwich in front of me
and I'm sold.
II
I enjoy
observing, too (I didn’t get eyes for nothing).
III
I can breeze
through 160+ sales psychology Reels like it’s nothing. Maybe I have ADHD, but
I'm no Dr. Sasha Hamdani so I don't even wanna know.
