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...

if this is me being unserious

 

Oct 14

Nag-experiment ako kahapon. Sinubukan kong magpuyat hanggang alas-kwatro ng madaling-araw para matantya ‘ko yung energy ko. Napansin ko lang, ba't parang galit yata ‘ko nung nagising ako haha. I've tried staying up till midnight for weeks, too. I enjoyed it because I love studying things on my own. But if I'm being real with myself... There was an emptiness I couldn't pretend wasn't there. Maybe I was better off going to bed at 6 p.m. after all. Tsaka, ayoko rin ng feeling na tanghali na ’ko nagigising. Hindi ko talaga ma-take. Gusto ko kase gising na ‘ko habang tulog pa yung manok ng kapitbahay namin.

 

 

Oct 15
I

Why are lattes so good? Like, why does this taste like I’m on a coffee break in the Vatican and nonchalantly reading Latin inscriptions? Anyway, it’s almost 5, had to snag a chocolate caramel cupcake too. Thank God I’m single 'cause my card would decline if I bought two.

Anywho, I'm gonna watch The Cornish Mystery and probably a few more episodes. I think I’ve found my new obsession, and his name is Hercule Poirot. The fact that we both have a cleft chin makes me so happy. Now if only I’d gotten his brain cells too.

 

II

I’ll tell you what’s in my 'watch for fun' folder later. Or maybe I’ll just show you my inspiration wall. O kaya wag na lang pala. Anyways, don't you think what we watch says a lot about us? Sabi nila, malalaman mo raw kung ga’no ka-unhinged ang isang tao sa mga pinapanood niya. I'm kinda curious what you'd say.

Ewan ko ba kung anong gustong mangyari ng algorithm ko, di niya alam if I’m trying to get a six-pack in 30 days, realign my spine, or whether I even need a real Porsche with my nonexistent budget.

Oct 17
I. External observer

Lemme just have some hot matcha while I watch “How Much Poop Is Stored in Your Colon?” Oh, and I’ve got these tabs lined up, too:

24 hours with a Korean infidelity detective https://youtu.be/NYgq9yQ4knI?si=koBk8zH1n41Tt4mh

How a billionaire spends 7 days https://youtu.be/y8PFrYS86eo?si=wiRkLbhinfMAnXrq

I bought the cheapest item at every designer store
https://youtu.be/ZoZyp1USxkI?si=byP634yK4Eyijc5p
https://youtu.be/KvHKjahn__4?si=VXG9f7s7zFeZIhep

I visited the world's most expensive shop Harrods
https://youtu.be/GHJsEhFCkxY?si=LWpSM8_QYkQAUJmu

Nobody has ever seen an El Niño like this https://youtu.be/cfT46UVhTfo?si=IBXrW8ULtlXN0-N9

I tried a secret billionaire hotel
https://youtu.be/4AO6hYtLuQE?si=dLbDhN7i3vXQpa_t

Why Charlie Munger is my greatest mentor https://youtu.be/cNIQCiGsKkw?si=zmb_vV4mlOdaRERv

In 23 Minutes, You'll Understand Generational Wealth
https://youtu.be/0wc2vBeAQEg?si=qtPRfaqLydhmEzls

Who needs a real Porsche anymore? https://youtu.be/m_Vcl3_2SHQ?si=XhZzP3HFNgqUKOHm

The impact of sugar
https://youtu.be/HWiPHozN6F0?si=-vaFf7qkZCBZr40u

I made 5 fake dating profiles to see which aesthetic wins https://youtu.be/dE9jVcPF4xQ?si=uqOTgprTH_ZabELu

Schopenhauer was right about women all along https://youtu.be/iO503gY9N7E?si=eDJ01Ey_YTM_VnXj




II. Internal observer

You know what's kinda interesting? Something happened tonight, and it made me realize how our minds can just wander off somewhere we weren't even trying to go. I was just out getting some chicken and fries tas bigla ba namang bumanat ng love song yung tindahan. And of all the parts, Lord... ito pa ang sumalubong sa’kin: “Don't love me for fun, girl. Let me be the one, girl. Love me for a reason. Let the reason be love.”🎵

Huwag mong sabihing binasa mo lang yung lyrics. Anyway, can’t you just love someone without a reason?

Because if you think about it, if you fell in love with someone for a reason, couldn't you also fall out of love with them for a reason? And what happens when they stop being the person you fell for? What if the person who made you feel safe doesn't feel safe anymore? Or what if someone else comes along and has all the little things you fell in love with? Does your love change, too?

 

 

This is how I understand love while munching on fries:

"I didn’t ask you to like me back."

Oct 18

I'm sitting here watching this, and three thoughts just came up. But I’m not gonna write that One, I got this random urge to pick Italian back up. Two, I wonder if getting married and settling down are even on my life's itinerary. And three, How the hell can I piece together a case but can't seem to wrap my head around why a certain someone keeps sneaking into my thoughts? Like, when I'm studying, watching stuff, scavenging for snacks, or just out for a walk. Ba’t naman ganon anuna self haha

 

"Don’t you think that human beings tend to reproduce certain patterns?
Stereotyped patterns?"

— Triangle at Rhodes (1989)

 

Seriousness and playfulness

 

I. Poirot and Me

I wore my favorite navy-blue sweater today and headed to a little coffee shop nearby for a hot hazelnut coffee. Since it's Sunday, I thought I'd watch some Hercule Poirot. I want to break down how Poirot actually solves a case. What does he spot that gives him an advantage over everyone else? What does he catch while I'm confused as hell? How does he challenge his own assumptions? What about me tho? How do I challenge my own thinking?

Anyway, I'm finally cracking open Poirot and Me tonight.

 

II. Don't you love when you can just share
a space with someone and it's not awkward?

I like going to this little coffee shop. The barista here is super cute and makes really good coffee. He sings like nobody's listening, smiles at me, and doesn't try to make small talk. It's just so peaceful here.

 

 

III. An introvert walks into a conversation

I have a soft spot for friendly people, but it's like they bring out the unemployed comedian in me. If I'm put on the spot to introduce myself or like, if someone out of nowhere asks if I'm single or whatever, bigla kong maiisip yung asawa ko no’ng panahon ng mga dinosaurs.

She thinks too much for someone who likes hotdogs

 

Sep 11

I’ve been watching this Thai YouTuber ’cause I really like her style and wanted some inspo for dressing more girly but still kinda swaggy. But then I got way too invested and started picking up on how she does things, especially how she manages her money, work, time, and energy.

 

Like, she has these golden rules:

 

Don’t be too strict with yourself. It’s stressful.

Choose work that gives you the flexibility you value.

Don’t sacrifice sleep if it makes you think worse.

Organize your money into purpose-specific accounts.

 

This last part was what really won me over:

“I create a monthly income statement. Tracking all income and expenses. I can still go back and see exactly how much I earned that year… it helped me understand where my money is. How much I’ve saved, and how much I’ve grown this year. If I overspend on something, I’ll know to cut back next month. So now I have a good sense of what’s worth buying and what’s not.”

Sep 19
I. Reverse Card

I was actually supposed to be reading a book right now, but out of nowhere, I started wondering what kind of person I’d want to be with. Hmm. Now that I think about it, I don’t really expect anything specific. I guess I just care about whether I’m a good person to be with. Like, whether I can keep things funny and lighthearted while learning from my own mistakes and what I see around me.

 

II. Associative

Have you ever wondered why you even have a favorite color? My favorite color is white, and I also like soft colors. White just makes me feel super relaxed while soft colors are just like my little sister who’s always so happy unless someone manages to annoy her.

 

III. Pre-mortem thinker

I’m into systems thinking and behavioral psychology 'cause I get a kick out of breaking down where the hell other people and I screwed up. One principle I'm trying to apply now is Charlie Munger's idea that “all I want to know is where I'm going to die, so I'll never go there.”

 

IV. NPC

I like checking out food spots where everyone’s squeezed in together, like street food stalls or places inside a mall na halos kandungan na kayo ng katabi mo para lang makakain. And I also just like sitting back and looking at busy streets. Just watching strangers walk around while others sit at sidewalk cafés, laughing and chatting over a meal. Sometimes I even overhear what they're laughing about, and I get caught up laughing too.

I guess you could say I'm content with just looking at people but I don't want to talk to them watching what goes on around me. So if I’m opening up to you, just know I'm either gonna get straight to the point or it just means you’re someone I really, really care about.

Sep 21. Just a random thought I'm having

I had to squeeze through a crowd just to get some kwek-kwek from a food cart. I also got a matcha latte, but this is going to be my last one for a while before I completely cut out processed sugar. Let’s just say I want to see what happens to my face and body once I stop putting the usual not-so-healthy stuff into my system.

Which is kinda why I’m watching something about the psychology of beauty. Do good-looking people actually tend to be healthier, or do we just think they are? Hold on, am I just gaslighting myself into thinking they're healthy just because they look good?

Sep 22

I

I decided to take a break and try a few quizzes just to see what they might pick up about my thinking patterns.

One quiz said I’m wired to spot links between things and make sense of why I do what I do, but it still doesn’t know why all I can cook is boiled eggs. I laughed when it called me out for jumping from one interesting thing to another like I have no attention span, then just decided I’m an ambivert. Did this quiz just turn into a game of Two Truths and a Lie out of nowhere?

 

II
I got my lil sis a blueberry soda as a surprise. I realized I might’ve taken the teasing a little too far the other day and felt kinda awful afterward. When I get hyper, I’m like ten times more annoying than she is (oops).

 

III

You know how some people are like, super obsessed with Googling and researching stuff all day? Yes, I get locked in on that stuff too. Except my writing's way less about research and more about whatever I notice. Like, right now, I’m just looking at my homepage and this Vanessa Van Edwards name pops up, and come to find out she’s got this whole thing built around understanding human behavior. Okay, I’ve got like seven tabs open. Let’s see what I can learn from how she approaches this.

Sep 29

Yung pilit mong sinasabi sa sarili mo na part ng study aesthetic ang iced latte at sandwich para lang ‘di ka makonsensya sa diet mo (haha)

I’ve got 83 video lectures to work through, along with some pretty heavy reading. Before I get started, I want to establish why I’m going through all of this in the first place. And five days from now, what do I want to be able to explain or predict that I can’t yet? What problem will I be able to solve that I can’t solve now? And where am I actually going to use this?

I’m just getting ready for whatever gets thrown at me in sales. And there are two things I want to nail down.

One, I want to anticipate how I’m likely to respond when things go wrong. What if I work my arse off and still don’t close a single sale? How am I likely to behave when I’m actually out there prospecting, following up, and doing viewings, but they aren’t turning into sales? What happens to my thinking when I see other people succeeding and I’m not? Honestly, I don’t even wanna know. I'd rather just have a plan like I’m El Profesor’s protégé from La Casa de Papel.

Two, I want to be able to look at a situation and explain what made someone say yes after saying no.

 

Sep 30

I just had this really good iced Spanish latte, and now I'm watching a show about a billionaire hypnotist in Cape Town and thinking, I need to learn how to hypnotize myself into only wanting water. Anyways, I just wanna see if I can learn anything from him (or use it to troll my little sister) because I just can’t seem to watch anything normally.

Oct 2
I. Behavioral

Just got a caramel macchiato, and now I’m setting up for a 10-hour study block using 50/10 pomodoros. At least with the timer, I know when it’s time to get serious at kung kelan ako magsasayang ng buhay kado-doomscroll hehe. The Pomodoro’s just there to give my attention some structure 'cause I’m either hyper-focused or like completely brain-dead.

 

II. Psychological

If I ever got cheated on... how would I see it?

Like, would I just see it as a sign of someone who never actually respected themselves to begin with? Would I even want to look at a person who just throws away their dignity like it’s a used sanitary pad? Or would I just think, how can they even look at themselves after that and not feel cheap? So, why do I think this way?

I think some of this goes back to my dad.

When I was just a kid, my mom died of cancer. My dad used to tell me how she was constantly coughing up blood toward the end. Things got so bad that I had to go live with another family, and they raised me. And through all those years, my dad never had anyone else until he died in 2010.

Oct 3

I
It’s lunchtime. Am I even looking at my food right now? Nope. I don't even know why I'm sitting here drooling over supercars.

Oh, maybe because when I was a kid, my older sis had this whole collection of toy Ferraris, Lambos, and other exotic cars. God knows where she got them all. One thing I remember really well from when I was little is that I always had a thing for this little red Ferrari. I used to read the names on the boxes too, but I probably said them all wrong. Oh, and I used to smash the other cars into each other just for fun, then I'd wonder why the heck they were so tough to crack. And of course, I wish I'd known back then that I wasn't supposed to do that to supercars. Maybe that’s why I just moved on to playing Wolverine haha

 

II

Sobrang sarap ng matcha croissant, buti wala dito si Elyza. Pero okay lang, may pa-matcha strawberry naman ako sa kanyang pampalubag-loob. I also hid this little mystery box for her in my closet because she always snoops around in there for snacks anyway I noticed she looked pretty down when she got home from school the other day. So I decided to save it for her not-so-good days. Pwede siyang bumunot ng isa, o sige dalawa na para super happy siya tsaka para makapag-move on na ’tong batang ’to sa burger na kinain ko mag-isa.

Anyway, this was her back when she still had those chubby cheeks.

III

Alright, so I've been analyzing how the multi-millionaires and billionaires spend their days. Like, where does their time even go? How are these guys guarding their time? And then I got to thinking... what changes in the way they make decisions when money stops being a constraint? Like, when I’m broke, am I really gonna overthink buying a milk tea? Interesting yung difference between constraint-based purchasing and preference-based purchasing, noh?

Oct 6. How sitting by a window can be so expensive

I’m just sitting by the window and thought I’d write down whatever came to mind. Then one thought led to another and now I’m like, what if a blank check just landed in my lap right now? What the heck would I even buy first?! Maybe a racing simulator, a telescope, a microscope... what if I just buy out an entire manga collection instead?

Oct 7. There’s one kid who might absolutely destroy this narrative haha

A guy wrote this about me way back then:

 

“Makulit sya, pero hindi yung nakakainis, yung kulit na nakakatuwa, akala ko nga nung una seryoso syang tao pero hindi naman pala todo, may pagkamakalog din pala sya, sabe nga ”dont judge the book by its cover”, yan, isa din yan sa lagi nyang sinasabe.

,,at mahilig sya sa libro, aklat, novels, bible at mga research, in short mahilig sya magbasa. kapag may book masaya na sya, napakasimpleng ugali na magugustuhan ng kahit na sino (isa na ko don). kung isa syang book anu kaya sya? siguro mystery. bagay sa kanya ang ‘dont judge the book by its cover’, yung cover nya seryoso pero kalog pala page, yung cover nya malalim pero masasabayan mu palang basahin, yung cover nya hard (kase ayaw nya ng iyak) pero softhearted din naman pala ang nilalaman. makikilala mo sya kapag nakilala ka na nya, maybe ”its the book that didn’t judge who reads her”.

 

I wondered if he was just describing the little things he had picked up on, or if he was really trying to understand me. But if he was trying to understand me through what he observed, what was he telling me about himself without actually saying it?

Oct 9. The playful one

I

I'm easy to win over.

You know how some people spend hours learning things like it's gonna buy them a Ferrari, and others need a push? All you have to do is wave a hotdog sandwich in front of me and I'm sold.

II

I enjoy observing, too (I didn’t get eyes for nothing).

III

I can breeze through 160+ sales psychology Reels like it’s nothing. Maybe I have ADHD, but I'm no Dr. Sasha Hamdani so I don't even wanna know.

IV. This is so random

 

btw this was me at 29 

me at 30 with my L (Death Note) plushie

the unserious scorpio

🎂

 

Okay, aaminin ko na.

Nagtampo ako nung binisita kita nung birthday mo tapos parang naging third wheel pa ‘ko sa inyo ng crush mo nun HAHAHA I’m sorry, but I just felt a little left out. You know I barely ever go out, and the only reason I did was because I wanted to see you and give you a hug.

But it made me think that even if we don’t get to see each other for years, you’re someone I could never, ever forget... Baka kase pareho lang talaga tayong may tama (🤪).

Masaya na ‘ko na napapatawa kita, lalo na kapag nagiging negative ka sa sarili mo. Sorry pero hindi talaga kita papayagan. I’m never gonna let you feel like you’re just alone. You're always gonna be my Lingling, and I'm always gonna be your Bambam. (Ba’t parang mag-jowa ang script natin dito HAHAHA)

Happy birthday to my favorite girl since high school! I miss you, Liiiiing. Mwah. ♡

Before and after

Old blog: Notes from Underground

Old introduction
If we haven't met before, my name's Iya. This blog is called Notes from Underground because it's my absolute favorite novel about a man I would absolutely block on social media the second he starts ranting about his liver. If the narrator and I ever shared a table at a café, we’d probably get along for reasons that would make a random stranger eating a muffin reconsider having kids.

 

About me
I've always thought of life as one big survival game. Once you lose your life, it's game over. You don't get a practice round. Ever since I realized that, I've become my own science project. I'm the mad scientist. And I am also the little mouse running around doing all the tests. So my journal is where all the experiments end up. I write it all down so some random stranger can accidentally find it and make a meme out of my whole life before throwing it like a frisbee into a passing smelly-ass garbage truck.

 

 

 

𝕊𝕥𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝕓𝕪 𝕨𝕣𝕚𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘

Introduction
I enjoy writing, doing research, and building my own understanding of things, and I think that’s one way I fight off brain rot and the habit of just consuming stuff without actually processing it. Or maybe I just get bored really easily. If you don’t know me yet, hello! I’m Iya.


About me
Sometimes I get interested in so many things at the same time, and then I get so overwhelmed that I don’t even know what to pick first. It’s funny ’cause I kinda look like I just froze, like I don’t even know what’s going on anymore. My little sister always wonders how I know so much random stuff, and I’m like, I dunno, maybe I’m a philomath, or maybe I’m just curious about way too many things. I’m actually super quiet in real life, but I’m usually thinking through a lot of questions.

Once I recover from my little mental collapse, I’m like, hmm, what looks the most interesting right now? And maybe that’s just how I process things. I can get really into doomscrolling too, but I can also get really into reading interesting science stuff, looking into things I don’t know much about, writing, working out, or singing songs in languages I don’t even speak.

 

Blog’s got a new name:
the observer

A low-key, associative observer. My curiosity keeps turning everyday stuff into questions, and those questions often turn into little beta tests on myself. On a regular day, I’m just like an NPC until curiosity turns me into Sherlock Holmes’ secret apprentice.

the catalyst

 

March 16, 2025
Learning Thai because my dear friend from high school and I are plotting a Thailand adventure… we’re just two fools considering crossing borders for love. This will either be the most romantic thing we ever do or the most delusional. No in-between. 

 

August 26, 2026
iniisip ko ngayon kung mag-switch ako to Japanese or bumalik sa Thai. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko pa alam sa ngayon. I just want to be gentle with myself and not force things just because I feel like I'm supposed to.

 

September 4, 2026

It's a funny story, but I actually wanted to learn Thai last year because my bestie and I both had a crush on someone from Thailand. But why didn't I stick with it? And if I picked it up again, do I really want to go through all that trouble again from square one? I could just learn Japanese, right? But then I had a pretty big shift in perspective after getting to know someone I initially misjudged. I feel like such a hater for that. I'm so sorry.♡  Who would've guessed that the person I least expected to learn from would end up making me rethink the way I approach things and even bring back the spark I thought was gone for Thai?

I only realized it afterward

 

This song just made me think of someone I never thought I’d see this way.

 

 

I have so many things I wanna say, but I was so thrown off I didn’t even know what to say. Sobrang napa-isip ako after.

It just made me realize how easy it is to think you know someone just from what you see on the surface. Like, you really can’t know what someone’s actually like until you take the time to know them. ’Cause once you really get to know someone’s vibe, you start picking up on all the things that you completely miss at first. Like how they process things, what they care about, what they’re willing to compromise on, but like, mostly how they deal with a curveball.

And I don’t even know why, but now I kinda wanna try things that are completely out of character for me.

♡

playfully curious

 

I was singing earlier and then I was like, hmm... maybe I’ll go for a walk even though it was raining. It was super cold, though. But I think that makes the hot milk afterward so much better. I got some sponge cake and a donut too because I’m gonna read some manga later. Then I’m gonna plan what I’m gonna study. Stuff like behavioral psychology, synaptogenesis, epigenetics, kinesin, macrophages, and things like that. Oh, and The School of Athens. And of course the universe because that’s still my absolute favorite. Just imagine looking up at the night sky and thinking about how big the universe is, and realizing you can't even picture it if you try.

 

Pahabol lang.

Pumunta sa’kin yung little sister ko tapos nagtanong kung pwede daw sa kanya na lang yung binili kong leche flan. Yung buong-buo. Sabi ko sige, tapos narealize ko wala na pala ’kong pang-meryenda bukas. Good thing I hid this donut, hehe.

Anywho, this was my playlist for today:

(⁠⊃⁠｡⁠•́⁠‿⁠•̀⁠｡⁠)⁠⊃⁠♡ this one’s actually Khmer language 

(っ˘○˘ς)~♪

 

I don’t know why but I’ve been singing all day.

I guess when I stopped studying Chinese, it felt like I lost my sense of structure too. And that really eats at me.

It’s important to me to know where my time goes, and whether may actual direction ba talaga 'tong araw ko. Kung paano ko aalagaan yung taong mamahalin ko, ganun din dapat ka-high standard ang pagtrato ko sa sarili kong oras. Kaya iniisip ko ngayon kung mag-switch ako to Japanese or bumalik sa Thai. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko pa alam sa ngayon. I just want to be gentle with myself and not force things just because I feel like I'm supposed to. Bale all-or-nothing talaga akong tao eh. It’s either pigang-piga ang utak ko kakaaral, o kakanta na lang ako maghapon. Kaya pala puro mapanakit na kanta ang drama ko nitong mga nakaraan haha.

 

Rainy days just make me wanna read

 

Aug 17

The Papa-katsu and Food Delivery chapters in Fear: Reiwa Ghost Story were so good, but I got sidetracked around chapter ten because I’m reading Quit Laughing Shijima now.

AUG 18

I

Don't you find the sound of rain kind of magical?

I guess I like listening to the rain ’cause it kinda drowns out all the background noise around me. And when I close my eyes and really listen to it, I can easily snap into a much better mood. Sometimes it makes me feel kind of down because my moods are just weird like that, but I don't really mind 'cause it mostly helps clear my head anyway. Like maybe it keeps me from being so hyper, or it just shuts off that annoying urge to walk around or overthink stuff.

 

II

I made reading complicated

I can't decide if I should binge an entire manga series or just try out volume one of a bunch of random ones. Should I stick to one manga and finish the whole thing, like I did with Psycho x Past by Shingo Honda and Brutal by Kei Koga? The only problem is, I’ve also got like twelve Japanese books on my TBR list. Maybe I should stop overthinking this like it’s a marriage proposal and just try a bunch.

 

"Who are you? An angel? Who knows? I might be a demon."
Brutal: Satsujin Kansatsukan no Kokuhaku

Would you be willing to risk your life to go back to the past and prevent the heinous crimes of serial killers before they happen?
Psycho x Past