Being your own best friend

 

It’s 4:35 in the afternoon. I’m just sitting here with some lofi beats playing, thinking about what I want my future to look like and also kinda in the mood to write a bit about alone time...

I enjoy seeing people go on solo walks somewhere with lots of trees and mountains around, especially the ones camping alone and just really comfortable being by themselves.

It’s not about being an introvert; it’s about (1) protecting your internal peace and (2) finally being okay with just being you. We spend so much time trying to decide if we’re introverts, extroverts, or ambiverts, but those are just psychological stickers people put on us.

Buti pa yung pusa ng kapitbahay namin, hindi yon nagpapa-validate ng existence niya o nag-iisip kung introvert ba siya. Basta nabubuhay lang siya nang payapa gaya ng chonky rabbit namin.

Random gems I watched today

You know those days when you just want to zone out, read comics,
play games, and do absolutely nothing?
Wait, is that every day for me? 🤭

Usually I’m on the timid side, so if people are watching me, I run away.
But I can’t run away from bread. ( ⁀▽⁀ )

This is a comic café where I used to go with my high school friends…
When I come here, I feel comfortable because I can concentrate
without thinking while reading a comic book. 

고독한 우석씨 ♡

Just a little note

 

I don’t think I ever told you… you’re someone I really look up to, Jen. What I’ve realized is it’s not just that you’re super kind, but also the way you're like a ray of sunshine to everyone around you.

I’m kinda hoping we run into each other again. Maybe next time it’s in Korea haha

She’s super bubbly and has such a high-level mind. ♡

System log

 

If my heartbeat changed sounds, it’d be Liszt’s Paganini Etude No. 6 on loop

It’s 10:35 am. How is it that I don’t feel much with video games, but the second I put on classical music, I turn into that kid who gets too lost in their own little world. Do you guys also just get sucked into stuff like this Do you ever feel the same way?

 

Heat be damned

It is 11:54 in the morning. I couldn't care less about the weather around here. I’m just over here treating myself to some ice cream and watching someone stroll through the rain in this video.

 

It’s that Game Over feeling

7:55 in the evening. There are things I think about writing, but I usually stop myself. Maybe because I just like having my little secrets, or I got tired just thinking about typing it. I also used to love figuring out people like it was a mystery game. Now everything just feels… too familiar. I guess my brain just outgrew the same old toys.

 

ok these were the parts I pretended to understand like imma scientist.

The Scale: "Our sun is just a speck in the vast beach of stars. But the Milky Way galaxy is in itself is just one of 100 billion galaxies scattered throughout the cosmos."

The Question: "So, what is space? Does space only exist when there’s stuff in it? Does space only have a meaning when it’s enclosed by walls? Think of the distance between two objects. Does that gap still exist if you take the objects away? What meaning can we give to distance if it doesn’t have a start and end point? Does space in itself have form?"

The Fact: "Our entire universe is 13.7 billion years old."

Ok the hospital was a bit of a wake-up call

 

It’s 9 PM and I was about to start reading until 11 then just sleep. After seeing so many people at the hospital yesterday, I’ve been taking a step back and really looking at where I’m at, both physically and mentally. Now I’m slowly going through the science side of health, like aging and how the body actually works, and two are still unfinished because I said later and meant never ever.

Anyways, nag-ayos na rin ako ng hoodie at joggers kasi game na ulit ako sa long walks at strength training. For food, OMAD lang most days then water fast kapag wala talagang ulam baka sakaling maging kasing payat ako ni Karina ng aespa haha or I might still be around in like 4–5 billion years, just reading about that immortal jellyfish while the Milky Way and Andromeda slowly turn into one big galaxy up there.

✎...

 

Good morning, now here’s some chaos by Paganini

Around 9 in the morning.

Paganini’s Caprice No. 24 and No. 5 have that whoa kind of energy that’s so unique, you’ll feel like you’ve been dragged right into the middle of a duel.

Wait, what just happened?

Main character energy at 10:30.

Got me some matcha milk and three sandwiches while I’m pretending I’m not just looking at shapes in this physics book. Anyways, I’m at the hospital with my best friend. But from how I look, you’d think I’m sitting in a coffee shop right now. Wherever I go, I somehow make places feel like a Comic café or a quiet corner of a park. I just sit. Read. And watch people pass by Tapos hindi ko na maalis yung tingin ko sa doctor na crush ko dito.

A Quiet Night

 

Just doing a bit of reading of Newton’s biography while having dinner. I’ve got Korean fried chicken and a yogurt-tasting ice cream soda, and four more books I get to enjoy reading before bedtime: Wonders of the Universe, The God Equation, Astrophysics for People in a Hurry, and The Illustrated Theory of Everything.

If I pretend I’m in a reading competition, I bet I can finish the whole stack before Saturday night. But I’ve got a little sister and the attention span of a goldfish, so… good luck to me. One’s a joke, but I won’t say which one haha.

It’s strange how rain can feel like background noise and therapy at the same time. I wonder how you feel about it though.

a curious girl and her favorite 17th-century polymath

The day turns to evening.

Music’s on, and I keep finding myself admiring my favorite polymath. 

Admiration? I suppose that word feels too light for what I can’t stop thinking about.

And of course, it’s Isaac Newton.

Newton usually just kept to himself when he was deep in thought. He would spend a lot of time solving big problems about how things move and fall. This helped him figure out gravity and motion, and also helped him build something called calculus, what’s that, huh? A kind of math for when things move, speed up, slow down, curve, or fall, and you want to know why. Oh boy, I don’t wanna know why (－‸ლ)

Anyways, I spend a lot of time on my own too, with books and research that might look boring to others, but I swear, people bore me even more (just kidding lol).

 

'I don't know what I may appear to the world, but to myself, I seem to have been only like a boy, playing on the sea shore. Diverting myself by now and then finding a smoother pebble or prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me.'

— Isaac Newton

 

 

Thought this was for the one I used to draw hearts for

 

I was scrolling through Facebook and stumbled across my first crush from freshman year. I had to stop and squint at the screen for a sec. I get that it’s been ages since then, but the change was so insane I had to double-check who I was looking at. I’m still trying to process how two people the same age can look decades apart.

Then I remembered David Sinclair talking about biological age vs chronological age, and suddenly I felt like I got hit with a random lecture in the middle of scrolling. You know how some people’s age just doesn’t match their face, while others look nothing like how young they say they are lol.

I’ve resorted to just guessing their age like I’m betting on a horse I’ve never seen.

 

A lived experience translated into a funny narrated version

 

Friday April 24

Early lunch.

I’ve got rain sounds playing, and I’m really excited to read anything about the universe for around four hours. After that, I’m gonna watch a documentary.

Also, romanticizing the idea of a nighttime routine so I actually do it haha. I’ll go for a walk, maybe an hour or two, then read about Isaac Newton before I get yeeted into sleep.

 

 

Thursday, April 23

I.
I was just scrolling Pinterest for science and physics experiments when out of nowhere my little sis showed up with her laptop and started showing me her games like I was a visitor. She knows gaming isn’t my thing but ignores it, even making me sit through her Adopt Me and Bloxburg gameplay and, for the fifth time, making me choose a Forsaken character again, not that I volunteered or anything.

Then I went into sleep mode the whole afternoon, like my energy got nerfed by my little sis haha

 

II.
Got a glass of coke and some chicken barbecue for dinner thanks to my best friend. I kinda feel like watching documentaries now, like I suddenly became productive after sleeping the whole day.

Wednesday, April 22

Laws of sibling dynamics
11:33 in the morning. I was drinking a probiotic drink like it’s makgeolli for some reason while my little sis had this blueberry, almond, banana, apple smoothie. She didn’t like it so now I’ve got two drinks. Parang nung kumain siya ng turon yung balat lang gusto niya, kaya sakin napunta yung saging (╯°□°）╯

 

So now I’m on my way to buy graham crackers since she’s making blueberry cheesecake but I’m also hiding my ice cream.

Sibling entropy
Exactly 3:10. I had like 16 books lined up to read for 15 or 30 minutes each, and she even brought a Harry Potter book. We didn't read anything at all ’cause kiddo never runs out of stuff to say. Is she ever gonna stop talking? I wish the floor would just open up and swallow me haha

Low power mode
Almost 5 pm. I was gonna read but now I’m like maybe I’ll just watch for now. Heavy cases feel a little overwhelming at the moment, and I’m still organizing my Korean tracker anyway. I’ve got till Saturday, so I’ll just read and watch stuff for now before I start the next 60 days that are basically my next evolution stage.

“You decide what you become.” — Prodigy (2017)

watching my thoughts like clouds

 

If I’m leaving my solitude it better be a masterpiece

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1:25 in the afternoon. Listening to Vivaldi while I sit with the thought of a friend. Maybe I should just reach out to her?

Or write about Egypt after reading something that didn’t really explain what makes Egypt Egypt. It’s like, if you’re already that far from home, why spend your time on stuff that feels the same as everywhere else? Why fly to Egypt if you’re just gonna ignore thousands of years of history, especially its mathematical foundations?

 

If I were undercover, I’d note the shisha and the everyday things happening in between that most tourists probably miss. But I’m just a low-budget human. I better see the stuff that actually explains why it was one of the greatest empires to ever exist.

I just do what I enjoy

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I don’t really pay attention to how many books I get through in a month or a year or whatever, like how I’ve never really cared about laundry or friend counts or who I even talk to.

Anyways, I’m gonna grab some bread and ice cream for my lil sis.

A Thought That Spiraled

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Around 7 p.m. I came across something earlier and started thinking, what do I actually like?

Solitude. Piecing together patterns. Looking at things from a bird’s eye view. And that feeling when I finally understand something, like when Holmes explains something to Watson and he finally gets what was obvious the whole time. And then, how the universe works. ‘Cause to me, the universe is just like the biggest cold case out there.

Based on that, what MBTI would you say I am?


I’m fine with whatever. I’m just kind of watching my mind the way a kid watches clouds change shape.

i just wanna sample every book life throws my way

 

Enjoyment > Completion

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Actually eating lunch and reading Humble Pie and The Maths That Made Us. Could have finished these months ago but there’s no reason to rush so I don’t.

It’s like eating 8 different kinds of candy

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Told my little sis I got like 8 more math books now, didn’t tell her about the donuts and ice cream soda though hehe. Thought I’d read 30 minutes each before I handle some serious stuff that may or may not be serious. If you ask me why I read this stuff, I don’t even know anymore. Curiosity, maybe. Or I just turn what I read into stories for my little sis.

 

 

Quest Abandoned

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It is almost 11 o’clock. Better to just sleep before I start reading the same sentence for like, the 10th time now haha.