Contrast

 

I was gonna write it like this…

Nagtatalop lang naman ako ng kamote bakit may pakanta-kanta pa noh? Just tryna nail the pronunciation, I guess. Or para hindi ko ma-feel na magbabasa sana ’ko ng libro pero kamote muna raw, sabi ni nanay. 😆

 

But here’s how it actually went down...

Habang kumakanta ako at nagbabalat ng kamote, biglang sumulpot si little sis at binasag ang moment ko para itanong na: 'Is it okay to not simplify circumference with 3.14 for pi?' Kailangan niya raw i-verify kasi hindi accurate yung ni-report ng classmates niya kanina. Nagtatalop lang ako rito pero sa rami ng rants niya, mas kabisado ko na yung value ng Pi kesa sa lyrics ng kinakanta ko eh.🤭

Hey little sis

 

Remember that time you caught me reading nothing but manga and gave me that look, like, “So, how’s your comic reading going, lazybones?” HAHAHA! It’s funny how you make me want to be a better version of myself, like I’m even reading more math books now. 🙃

 

Aple

 

I dunno if we’ll see each other again but if we do, snacks are on me 😆 Anyways, I just thought I’d say…

 

I have always felt happy when you’re around, and maybe because you’re someone who makes people feel looked after even when they don't ask for it. I’ll admit, I wasn’t sure how to open up to you at first. But you were such a special surprise.

We don’t really talk as much as other friends do, but you’re genuinely one of the kindest people I’ve met.

P.S. I’m not saying this because it’s your birthday month or anything. I just think of you now and then and smile like a little kid.

Jan 30–31

 

I’ve realized that whenever I need to get things off my chest, I usually just sing or put on some piano or violin pieces. Especially when I think about things way too much. I let it pass me by, kinda like clouds floating by letting tap water pour over my hands to feel the cold.

Around 11 AM

Ang sarap lang talaga kumain ng fish balls, kwek-kwek, tsaka tokwa na may sweet-spicy sauce sa kanto.

 

Afternoon energy

So, Elyza and I were playing a spelling game over a pack of spicy nuts. One thing led to another, and we made Spam musubi even though we were missing half the ingredients. She had four pieces, I had two with iced coffee. As usual, she shared story after story right up until she got sleepy, and that was my sign to binge-watch Beyond Evil.

She’s destined for the courtroom

We’ve been having some real talk these past few days, and I was honestly surprised when she said she wouldn’t even bother saying sorry to anyone if it wasn’t for me. I was like, “Why though?” ’cause I’ve always coached her to answer a question with a question anyway. I’m not even gonna try to explain her answer. But it felt like everyone around me got life sentences, and somehow I’m innocent. 🤭

Like that one time she caught a classmate cheating (who actually had a crush on her) and said, 'You’re aware this is cheating, right?' I bet his soul left his body for a sec.

From crime scenes to cookies

 

I was watching a murder case while my little sister played a cookie game next to me, giving me a play-by-play of her game. Now I’m trying to process murder on one side and her Cookie Run: Kingdom team on the other. She even tells me about the school dance and shows off her moves whether I asked or not (I didn’t).

It's the same energy in the morning, too. I’ve just been asking her to wake me up before she goes to school, but I still sleep anyway. 🤣

Well, it’s been a whole year of annoying the life out of each other. I was supposed to move out by now, but seeing her kinda feels like seeing my younger self. And since I know all too well what it felt like when my dad left, I’m just not gonna let her go through that.

Brain Bribes

 

I walked by the school earlier and couldn't resist the Spam musubi. My brain simply won't sign the contract to study cases unless there's food involved. Yeah, it’s a total bribe.

Got some candies for my sib too, but she only gets the goods if she proves she can study solo. Pretty much using candy as a silencer for her before I lose my last remaining brain cell. 🤭 🍭

Diary of Thoughts, Jan 22–25

 

The Third Perspective

Found a case that actually made me smile. Not because I agree with the cop, but because the other side's perspective is so clever. It reminds me that we all got blind spots. What you’re struggling to see is exactly what the person next to you thinks is so obvious.

 

The Unpaid Investigator

I’ve taken my meds and grabbed some spicy chicken, sponge cake, plus some warm dark chocolate on the side. Even though I’m not feeling well, I still get a kick out of going through cases and breaking them down. It’s kind of funny how I didn’t end up in law enforcement, psych, or just nerding out in a lab, fixated on microbes.

The other side of the coin

Five people who shared a trauma that would break most people's minds. They were tortured to the bone, violated, starved, and left worse than pigs. Sexual violence was inflicted on the women, as if breaking them once wasn’t enough.

History’s just a cycle of the same horrors. The ones in control exploit, the helpless are dehumanized. After watching people turn into monsters, they decided to rewrite justice themselves.

And now the question is yours to face. By what measure would you judge them? What if it was you and your sister sounding like dying animals in those cages? Would you still be able to sleep knowing no one did a damn thing?

You really think I’d go along with that? I haven’t shown you the other side of the coin.

 

Just a little update for tonight

I had yogurt with banana ’cause I had a tummy ache. Anyways, I had a solid 2-hour nap earlier. I really thought I could get through a bunch of cases today, though. Oh well, at least two is better than nothing. For now, I’m just gonna squeeze in an episode of "Girl From Nowhere" or maybe even watch "Kanako" too, then I’m out.

🎧 ✨

 

I’ve been humming this non-stop. This song is the only thing keeping me from getting weighed down by the cases I've been dissecting lately.

Love and loss are the same string

 

It’s scary how a song can just come out of nowhere and trigger exactly what you’re afraid of. I heard it for the first time last night, and it made me cry. I guess it's just easier to let it out this way. When I write, it feels like I’m just talking to a friend over coffee I’m pulling up a chair to talk to someone I’m really comfortable with, and i guess the song just sets the scene for what I’m actually scared of.

It was heartbreaking seeing her so lost, like she was losing her mind right there in the hospital hallway. It’s like everything inside her just stopped to the point where she forgot how to even function. Wala nang natira kundi yung shock. That alone already broke her, but the rejection from her family was the final blow.

What do you even do when the person you love is just... dying right there in front of you? That’s when I realized that loving someone this much means one day, you'll have to lose this much, too.

🎧😌

 

Iba yung hampas ng bentilador sa mukha habang nagso-soundtrip, parang nasa bintana ka lang ng ordinary bus na humaharurot sa highway. I just felt like writing whatever because I’m just feeling really good today.

 

I suppose whether I’m happy, sad, or yung parang lutang lang, I'll most likely just be typing or writing something. I’m not as good at writing as some people I see, but I don’t really mind. To me, it’s just like a puzzle game. Basta nag-e-enjoy ako, I don’t really care beyond that.

I see these things like a puzzle, and that’s how I write. Parang ganito yung itsura ng puzzle sa isip ko: I'd much rather be with / someone who makes me laugh / over someone who’s just for the aesthetic / and nothing else.

 

S-Rank Solitude

Pag napapansin ko na sobrang seryoso ko na, I just listen to music and sing along. I thought it was just about getting into a better headspace. Ngayon ko lang nagets, para pala 'kong hinihigop ng music papunta sa paborito kong spot.

I just close my eyes and I’m in this huge field of grass yung sobrang lawak, puro puno lang ang tanaw mo, tapos nakahiga ka lang sa damuhan habang ramdam na ramdam mo yung lamig ng hangin.

Okay din naman isipin na may kasama, pero iba pa rin kasi yung saya kapag komportable ka kahit ikaw lang mag-isa. Yung state na wala ka nang gustong baguhin sa moment na yun.

My father used to say that love for someone special only works if you're actually okay with being alone first. Yung hindi mo ginagamit yung ibang tao bilang distraction sa boredom mo.