me divided into three

 

ngl this is literally my ultimate dream. well, aside from owning like one or two.

5:29 Today I brought a novel with me. Stephen King’s “Stand by Me,” a story about boys who travel along the railroad tracks. It’s like a simple adventure, but somehow it feels like I’m looking at my own childhood.

Back then, just going to an unknown place was special. The feeling of “what’s ahead?” was much stronger than fear.

I think the reason I’m here deep in the forest now is probably because that feeling from back then still remains.

 

23:51 Walking through the dark forest, one realizes that people find comfort in “what they can see.” Just the absence of light can easily change the shape of the landscape. And the moment it disappears from view, people begin to fill in the void with their imagination.

 

24:24 Perhaps fear isn’t the existence of ghosts or monsters, but the lingering thought that “they might be there.”

some days I’m just chaos and high energy, and other days I'm exactly like this video.

 

solitary iya 2

 

The Detached Observer

So I’ve got this exact ritual where I love to just sit and watch people pass by. But nothing beats watching people do the whole solo car-camping in the woods aesthetic, or next to sketchy, abandoned houses.

What if something goes terribly wrong? Like, what if they aren't actually alone out there, and they suddenly hear a knock on the window or worse, a face is just pressed against the glass looking back at them.

Thankfully, my attention span saves me. The second they start cooking some elaborate, five-star gourmet meal on a tiny portable stove, which I can't even cook, let alone afford, I completely forget I was scared out of my mind.

Aside from the food, nature is probably the part I enjoy the most though. The best part is just breathing in fresh air and feeling a cold breeze like it's the first time all over again. Even the sounds in these videos are so satisfying. You get that ASMR of brittle leaves and twigs crunching under footsteps, especially the grinding of small stones, before they squish into wet mud. Then the rain hits the ground and you get that comforting, nostalgic scent that just fills your nose.

Moments like this make me realize that just being able to feel is a blessing.

 

 

Unbothered Introvert

If I ever get locked inside a manga café, or if by some miracle I get left behind in a room with thousands of comics and an open snack bar...

[ a ] cancel the search party before it even starts.
[ b ] don’t even worry about me.
[ c ] consider me legally dead to my responsibilities.
[ d ] all of the above.

The first thing that comes to mind is I’d stay up way past my bedtime. And since they have unlimited free drinks, treats, endless caffeine as well as soft-serve ice cream, you know my cheap soul is gonna treat that policy like an all-you-can-eat buffet. I’d just be there hiding in a booth, eating ice cream every 20 minutes while reading:

[ a ] manga I shouldn’t be caught LOOKING at in public

[ b ] manga so spicy my friend keeps them in a hidden folder

[ c ] manga I’d fake my own death on the spot if caught reading it

[ d ] Mob Psycho 100

 

Spot the odd one out. (‾◡◝)

🎧

 

Just having fun singing the rap part.

It sounds so easy when you're just listening until you actually say it😜 It really feels like a tongue twister because I keep tripping over the words, and I really have to catch my breath to pronounce them fast.

kànjiàn xìnxī bù shì bù xiǎng huí nǐ

zhǐshì wǒmen de duìhuà shǎo le yīxiē tiánmì

kànshì hěn zhèngcháng de yǔjù

dàn tòuzhe jùlí

wǒ bù zhīdào gāi

zěnme duì nǐ yěxǔ shì zhèngcháng de guānxì

wǒ měi shí měi kè dōu gàosù zìjǐ
wǒ hái shì hěn ài nǐ de
zhǐ shì lonely
bù zhīdào wēixìn shénme shíhòu kāishǐ méiyǒu biǎoqíng
nǐ de shàngbān shíjiān duō le méiyǒu nàme duō de gāoxìng

 

You know when someone interesting mentions a song they love, so you look it up and end up smiling like an idiot the whole time? 🤍

 

 

Why do I like learning Korean?

Is it because they're stacked inside a square box like Tetris blocks? Or Lego-bricked together inside a little square? Am I doing this for a future 6-digit income, that fancy TOPIK II Level 6 certificate, or maybe, just maybe, I just happen to fall in love with a Korean along the way haha

 

pizza confessions and why ghosts don't want to meet me

 

confession

Almost 8 in the evening. My best friend gave me a slice of pizza so obviously I had to add chips and some cold soda. I'm so dead if my big sister finds out 🤭

She’s based in Laguna, but I’ll be staying at her place in a month or so. It took me a while to make up my mind 'cause my little sister and I have a really close bond here. But I really do miss my older sister, though. I miss how sweet she’s always been to me.

By the way, the little sister I keep writing about isn't related to me by blood, but that changes nothing 'cause Elyza knows my ears are still suffering from her non-stop yapping, and her brain cells are still suffering from my broken humor lmao Annoying each other's just our way of showing we’re super-duper close.

if we launch a startup together, what’s your cut on the teleportation tech?

I used to think the dark was the scariest thing ever. If a horror movie had a scene in a dark forest, or some rundown abandoned house at night, I’d cover my face right away. But I finally grew some backbone after that.

Ever since I got curious about physics and dark energy, I realized that ghosts are honestly the least of my worries.

I bet ghosts wouldn't even like me because I’d just pull out a notebook and ask for the science behind how they defy physics and teleport from room to room, or how they turn lights on and off and smash them without touching them, 'cause we could definitely sell that tech.

I’d even ask if they can bypass NASA and just go straight to the moon or outside the Milky Way, and if going beyond the observable universe is even possible for them, or if they’re just local ghosts with no career growth.

nothing but the sound of the rain and an empty road

 

If only I could teleport to the province rn and just wander down a road in the middle of Sana pwedeng mag-teleport sa probinsya ngayon para makalanghap naman ng malinis na hangin. Yung tipong magpagala-gala lang kung saan-saan habang bumubuhos yung napakalakas na ulan. Sobrang therapeutic lang talaga. Tapos tatambay ka lang sa may silungan pag pagod na maglakad para lang mag-kape.

 

Eating some egg and coco jam sandwiches and just enjoying this video.

wandered off like a lost tourist

You know when you start writing one thing and somehow find yourself writing something else? That always happens to me when I write.

I was just writing about how I'm so into the whole solo camper setup, especially those hanging out in the back of their cars up in the mountains, but then I randomly thought of my favorite ones who enjoy aesthetic cafe-hopping and just strolling through places without a plan.

And then I thought of this super pretty friend of mine who's always munching on different snacks, just talks and talks and eats like a kid. It’s so hard to picture it with her beautiful face ( ˶^ ▽ ^˶ ) But like, how did I even end up writing about her instead?

Anyway, dinner time-ish. Just sitting here looking at a photo of my favorite guy reading, and it just made me really want to read, too.

Tonight’s late-night read: Melvina's Therapy. 

"The unhappy one is like a parasite…"

"When I felt that everything was lost… I realized something. Reality is not immutable. Reality is that which you paint yourself. That little by little… ends up becoming real."

my favorite quiet guy

Seeing guys who are super smart always triggers my urge to research stuff 'cause I love the whole process of piecing things together like a puzzle they make me forget how much I love doing absolutely nothing.

Then there’s this guy... the kind of guy who makes me want to sit without saying anything and look at the stars.

 

You know when you're walking and you finally close your umbrella, just to feel that slow tap of rain on your shoulder?

That’s exactly how it felt then, when I first saw him.

3-day diary i swear i did stuff

 

Wednesday, May 6
While I hide from the sun

It’s about 2 in the afternoon. Was about to start my research but it was just too hot to think straight. Now I'm just staying chill with some lo-fi playing while the sun tries to kill me. Just kidding. I'm just cooling off with a soda and munching my emotional support snacks.

Should I read a horror manga or just watch Shin-chan and ignore the fact that I’m older than his mom?

Thursday, May 7
Tell me you’re an old soul without telling me

I always think it’s cool when I see someone reading books or mangas at cafés, parks, or even random waiting areas. I find myself wanting to know the backstory of why they’re reading that right now.

I guess that’s also why my favorite memory is that one time at Venice Mall, I was walking around when I suddenly came across this girl reading an Agatha Christie book.

Seeing her read my favorite author out of nowhere? Like, what are the chances of stumbling into that? When most of Christie's books were from the 1920s and 50s?

Friday, May 8
Manga Heaven

Exactly 4:39 pm.
I was just watching some videos of people hanging out in comic book cafes, and I had this random realization. For me, it's not just about having a quiet place to unwind. Just the feeling of having thousands of manga books all around me... that is my kind of heaven.

Fast forward to 9:30 PM.
My roommate just handed me a fluffy coffee bun, and now for some well-deserved manga time (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ

Gannibal by Ninomiya Masaaki

Kimi ga Bokura wo Akuma to Yonda Koro by Sano Takashi

Hitogui (Man Eater) by Kuraishi Yuu

Dokumushi by Yazu Michio and illustrated by Aida Keito

Grimace by Katsumata Hiroki

U12 (Under Twelve) by Yamikawa Kou

Being your own best friend

 

It’s 4:35 in the afternoon. I’m just sitting here with some lofi beats playing, thinking about what I want my future to look like and also kinda in the mood to write a bit about alone time...

I enjoy seeing people go on solo walks somewhere with lots of trees and mountains around, especially the ones camping alone and just really comfortable being by themselves.

It’s not about being an introvert; it’s about (1) protecting your internal peace and (2) finally being okay with just being you. We spend so much time trying to decide if we’re introverts, extroverts, or ambiverts, but those are just psychological stickers people put on us.

Buti pa yung pusa ng kapitbahay namin, hindi yon nagpapa-validate ng existence niya o nag-iisip kung introvert ba siya. Basta nabubuhay lang siya nang payapa gaya ng chonky rabbit namin.

Random gems I watched today

You know those days when you just want to zone out, read comics,
play games, and do absolutely nothing?
Wait, is that every day for me? 🤭

Usually I’m on the timid side, so if people are watching me, I run away.
But I can’t run away from bread. ( ⁀▽⁀ )

This is a comic café where I used to go with my high school friends…
When I come here, I feel comfortable because I can concentrate
without thinking while reading a comic book. 

고독한 우석씨 ♡

Just a little note

 

I don’t think I ever told you… you’re someone I really look up to, Jen. What I’ve realized is it’s not just that you’re super kind, but also the way you're like a ray of sunshine to everyone around you.

I’m kinda hoping we run into each other again. Maybe next time it’s in Korea haha

She’s super bubbly and has such a high-level mind. ♡

System log

 

If my heartbeat changed sounds, it’d be Liszt’s Paganini Etude No. 6 on loop

It’s 10:35 am. How is it that I don’t feel much with video games, but the second I put on classical music, I turn into that kid who gets too lost in their own little world. Do you guys also just get sucked into stuff like this Do you ever feel the same way?

 

Heat be damned

It is 11:54 in the morning. I couldn't care less about the weather around here. I’m just over here treating myself to some ice cream and watching someone stroll through the rain in this video.

 

It’s that Game Over feeling

7:55 in the evening. There are things I think about writing, but I usually stop myself. Maybe because I just like having my little secrets, or I got tired just thinking about typing it. I also used to love figuring out people like it was a mystery game. Now everything just feels… too familiar. I guess my brain just outgrew the same old toys.

 

ok these were the parts I pretended to understand like imma scientist.

The Scale: "Our sun is just a speck in the vast beach of stars. But the Milky Way galaxy is in itself is just one of 100 billion galaxies scattered throughout the cosmos."

The Question: "So, what is space? Does space only exist when there’s stuff in it? Does space only have a meaning when it’s enclosed by walls? Think of the distance between two objects. Does that gap still exist if you take the objects away? What meaning can we give to distance if it doesn’t have a start and end point? Does space in itself have form?"

The Fact: "Our entire universe is 13.7 billion years old."