my home-alone self + words i didn't say at dinner

 

https://pin.it/1dIfXUyLx

https://ph.pinterest.com/pin/1112037333035822282/

I can’t even look at this with a straight face 😂

Welcome to my brain

 

Oct 20-21
I. The final boss is my little sis

 

Tue: Iced French vanilla

Wed: Brown sugar latte

Thu: Matcha latte

Fri: Java chip frappuccino

Sat: Spanish latte + Taro Milktea (i'm not telling her)

Sun: Caffe latte

Mon: Spanish latte + Matcha green tea for me.
Plus ice cream for little sis to keep her hands off my drinks.

Tue: Matcha latte

Wed: Brown sugar espresso

Thu: Spanish latte + extra shot for me. One strawberry matcha for the minor because if I don’t get her one she’s gonna be like, ‘THE AUDACITTTYYYY!’

Fri: Iced Americano

Sat: Brewed iced coffee for me. Matcha milk + strawberry matcha for the kiddo. (Gonna hide the cheesy sausage, ham & cheese, garlic cheese, and cinnamon bread. But if she catches me red-handed, I'll sacrifice the garlic.)

 

 

I’m getting it sorted now so I don’t have to waste time debating over drinks when I need to be cramming. Btw, I'm building a solid base in sales before I throw myself into the Megaworld grind. 'Cause lil sis would have some serious ammunition against me if I just showed up expecting someone to hold my hand through every little thing. I’d better make sure my skull isn't just hollow space 'cause I always tell her to think for herself. Academically, kiddo's either in the top 5 or sitting at rank 1. Now, if she ever knew sales had rankings, too, she'd absolutely roast my ass into oblivion if I couldn't even wiggle my way into the top 10.

 

 

II. You can't put this in Excel

Back in grade school, our class adviser called me “bobo” in front of the whole class.  Then she even spelled it out. B-O-B-O.

Sobrang motivational noh? It’s like, nothing gets me moving quite like being publicly destroyed by a teacher in front of the whole class. And when everyone’s laughing and you’re put on the spot, you just laugh along. What else can you do? I was just sitting there trying to laugh it off, giving an Oscar-worthy performance just so nobody noticed my own destruction chubby cheeks.

Here's a little backstory.

I transferred from a private school to a public one, and my new adviser seemed determined to prove that the students there were better than me. You'd think I didn't even deserve a place in her Section 2 class. But bless my old school for drilling the routine of praying before class into us, as well as treating teachers like parents. Besides, what's the point of a private school if I can't even show basic manners? So there I sat, being publicly humiliated wondering how this counts as teaching kung iaabot ko pa ba sa kanya ‘tong dalawang empanada na pinapasuyo ng nanay ko.

Alam mo ba, hinintay ko munang maiwan kaming dalawa. Inabot ko yung balot ng empanada nang mabilisan tas tumakbo ako na parang nag-iwan ako ng granada. On the bright side, I didn't come out of that experience completely humorless. I’d choose her as my teacher all over again. I just know that at some point, she ended up enjoying having me around. She even paired me up with a ka-loveteam who was also into Dragon Ball Z haha

 

 

Decades later, that chubby-cheeked kid landed an analyst role at the number one bank in the US. JPMorgan Chase. But the coolest thing I did there wasn't drinking all the free drinks at their vending machines and playing werewolf games with the work fam. It was just another client call where I thankfully felt human again. Not like some lifeless fish, or some AI robot with the warmth of a morgue.

The client started telling me about the things he was struggling with, and I just listened. I shared a little about how I'd been clueless about a lot of things myself. I was even just fumbling my way through things at first, and we kinda laughed about it. But that doesn’t mean we can’t learn it or that we're just bad at it, right? We can just take it one day at a time.

And then I shut up.

After a few seconds, he said something that completely exposed me as a total softie. I even saved it in a sticky note on my computer.

“Rose, you make me feel good.”

 

 

Oct 22

Dinner time. I'm listening to "The Reason a Doctor Will Outsell You Every Time." Might as well get a little smarter habang ngumunguya. Sunday’s when I’m gonna map out my big goals for the next five years, then break them all down into one-year, six-month, and three-month chunks. I also want to know what could screw this up so I don’t freeze like a deer caught in headlights. Or worse, get tangled up in romance when my honest-to-god goal is to just see what it’s like to live like a Buddhist monk before I die.

 

Speaking of distraction, you wouldn’t believe how many curious souls have tried to shoot their shot with me using "Wrecking Ball." Kung yan naman ang go-to song ng mga taong curious sa'yo, mapapaisip ka na lang kung para sa’yo ba talaga ang romance, noh? Like, they're putting all this energy into you, and you're just trying to decide if you want chicken or pork for dinner ‘cause you just don't seem to fall in love the way everyone else does.

 

 

Oct 23-24
I. She's good at making my ragebait backfire

Little sis and I saved a drowning rat earlier, and she was so happy that Mickey Mouse got his freedom. I asked her why saving it was such a big deal when we could’ve just ignored it. She looked at me like I’d just escaped from a mental hospital. If she can survive me playing devil's advocate, nobody else out there can easily get under her skin. Of course, she makes sure I get my daily dose of karma too. ＨＡＨＡＨＡ

II. You can call me a zeta, a psychopath, a house cat, or whatever category you just invented in the shower

You know what this picture makes me think of?

I'm standing up here by the window, looking across at the other building, and honestly, just watching people walking along the streets below lowers my cortisol levels.

You might be wondering why I'm gatekeeping my peace, hmm... kase minsan, gusto mo lang mag-exist nang walang kumakausap sa'yo. It's kinda like when you're on the toilet. Yung nagkukuskos ka ng toilet bowl ha? Hindi mo naman aayain ang best friend mo na tumambay habang ginagawa mo yan, di ba? But jokes aside, I don't leave my peace in someone else's hands.

Anyway, I was just having fun thinking up a little character sketch of you today. You’ve got that thing like... how would I put it? You don’t dilute your flavor just because some people can’t handle the spice or just downright lack taste. May pa-character analysis? Plus, you don't want things handed to you. Mas gusto mong pagtrabahuhan ang isang bagay kesa basta na lang iabot sa'yo on a silver platter. Kaya hindi rin nakakapagtaka na mailap ka. And you seem like someone who likes keeping a little mystery, too.

 

 

P.S. Sketches like this are easier to write than to share.




The Observer's Notes

 

Wed. November 11, 2026
The grief

Ano ba talaga ang dahilan kung bakit gustong-gustong umuwi ng isang bata? May mga batang excited na makauwi kase alam nilang may yayakap sa kanila pagdating nila. Yung hindi pa nga nakakapaghubad ng sapatos, may magtatanong na kung anong nangyari. May mag-aalala kapag hindi maganda ang pakiramdam nila at mag-aasikaso kapag hindi sila okay. And then there are those who grow up never knowing what that feels like, or that they could have had it too. Sila yung mga batang umuuwi na may sugat sa tuhod, tapos wala man lang naghihintay sa kanila sa bahay. Sila na lang din ang maglilinis ng sugat nila. How do you even recognize that kind of grief when it doesn't look like what we usually associate with sadness? Have you ever listened to a grown man cry as he talks about the boy he once was, who just wanted someone to hold his hand?

Now I'm just here, watching him look at someone who had the kind of childhood he never got to have. People might mistake it for envy. But what if it's not even envy? Maybe it's not that you want what someone else has. You just find yourself asking God what it would've been like to have that, too. Tinatanong mo na lang Siya... Why did I have to feel abandoned?

 

A part of me wishes he had never had to go through any of that. May parte sa pinagdaanan niya na akin din naman. Pero hindi excuse yun para i-compromise ang morality ko. Alam ko namang basag na yung tao, but a tragic upbringing can never be a free pass to keep passing the damage around.

Sun. March 8, 2026
The ones you least expect

I was looking into a case earlier involving 11 different individuals. It’s such a random mix of people with totally different backgrounds, kaya naman kanya-kanya sila ng trip at diskarte sa kung pa'no sila mag-cope. Wala naman akong balak mag-imbestiga sa buong buhay nila. Gusto ko lang talagang makita kung ano yung mismong nag-forge sa kanila. It’s a shame the file just glossed over that.

Hindi yung mga halatang sketchy na tao na pag nakasalubong mo, mapapalingon ka na lang sa likod mo. O yung mga taong mapapa-isip ka kung safe ka ba talaga kapag kayong dalawa lang ang nasa elevator. You know what I always tell my little sis? It’s always the ones who seem the safest who you really need to watch out for.

Wed. January 14, 2026
The father

There’s this case I ran into the other day that left a weird taste in my mouth. Was it even the killing that got to me? Not really. It was watching how extreme love can be just as unsettling as extreme violence.

Most people felt they understood why the father swapped places with his daughter and staged the crime as his own. Kasi diba, sinong ama ang hindi handang maging halimaw para lang protektahan ang kaisa-isa niyang anak? Most were quick to praise him, saying anyone else would have just saved their own skin. But he didn’t. Some were like, you can’t really know… not until it’s your kid in the fire, and you can’t just look away.

Kapag nakita mong nasusunog ang anak mo (literal o figurative), hindi magse-set up ng Excel sheet ang utak mo para i-calculate lang ang pros and cons. Bago pa makapag-isip ang logic mo, nakatalon ka na sa apoy.

While most were busy romanticizing the sacrifice, a few kept questioning why a murder cover-up was being hyped as heroic. Honestly, I noticed myself wanting to admire the father. But I didn’t. I’m neither the dad nor part of the crowd. All I did was watch what the story brought up in people. 

Sun. January 11, 2026
The girl

There was this case of a girl who went through abuse from her father and was just abandoned by her mother. Somewhere along the way, she stopped being able to feel for other people. It’s like her heart carried too much pain and had to close. On the outside she went about life like any other student, even covering her own tuition. By the time she graduated college, she had learned how to look okay on the outside, even though inside, she was living in her own hell.

 

Anyone can have their opinion about her crime. That’s their take, not mine. Deciding who deserves hell isn’t my job anyway. I’m not here to play judge. I’m trying to understand how hell gets built inside a person.

 

Kinda explains why people-watching’s my thing. Not that I’m wondering what they’re really feeling or trying to read them or anything. I’m no Sherlock Holmes, geez. I just like watching the cause and effect of people’s choices. That’s it.

Wed. January 7, 2026
The Illusion

Last year, I came across two cases. One was a college student in an old neighborhood who was raped and had her money stolen by a plumber she had believed she could trust. The other was a girl in a condo who was killed by a close friend who had access to her place.

Sometimes I think “safe” is just a word we like to believe in.

One victim trusted a stranger who appeared helpful. The other trusted someone they thought they knew well.

This made me pause and think about how I’d explain this to Elyza. But instead of just telling her that trust isn’t something you hand out like candy, I’d rather ask, “How would you navigate that?”

Wed. April 23, 2025
The love letter


The sorrow, the grace, the humor

Your eyes were a silent cry despite the smile on your lips. You held a smile, even as you fell apart like a wineglass in slow motion. In that quiet sorrow, I saw your heart kneeling in prayer. You bleed, yes, but you still carry the devil so gracefully.

I, however, speak to him like we’re both in on a joke, while sipping on a chilled glass of orange juice, as my little sister casually munches on ice cubes.

 

 

Companionship without ownership

Love is not a rescue mission.
Saving is ego’s way of pretending it’s a lifeguard,
because it sees someone as broken.

We may bend, my darling,
but we never break.

Saving is ego.
Seeing is loving without editing.

One believes,
"You're incomplete without me."
The other whispers,
"You are not alone, my friend."

One is a cage
dressed as care.

The other is an altar that says,
"Whether you come or go, your freedom remains."

Who dis?

The rebranding nobody asked for

ᴛʜᴇ ᴏʙsᴇʀᴠᴇʀ · ᴛʜᴇ ɪɴǫᴜɪsɪᴛɪᴠᴇ ᴛʜɪɴᴋᴇʀ · ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴇᴛᴀᴄᴏɢɴɪᴛɪᴠᴇ ᴛʜɪɴᴋᴇʀ ·

ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʀᴇ-ᴍᴏʀᴛᴇᴍ ᴛʜɪɴᴋᴇʀ · ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʟᴀʏꜰᴜʟ ᴏɴᴇ

ｉ’ｍ　ｉｙａ ♡

 

Ngl, I don't know how to sell this girl

How do I get past the boring introduction part? Oh well, how else do you survive a brain that gets bored at the speed of light? You become an observer. That's how I wind up researching things that won't even earn me a free hotdog. I also question things, like thinking ahead, and don't take myself too seriously. I can spend three hours investigating a case and then seek advice from eenie-meenie-miny-moe.

Anyway, if we ever bump into each other, malay mo lang. Just cross your fingers and pray the smarty-pants is out of hiding, because the other option is trying to push a pull door.  ლ(╹ε╹ლ) Biro lang. Tahimik talaga ‘ko sa totoong buhay. Titingnan lang kita habang iniisip kung kailangan kitang iwasan.

 

 

  

The blog got dressed up

Mag-BFF na back-to-back kung mag-overthink ng worst-case scenarios 

 

Si Observer ang paboritong subject ni Inquisitive. At si Playful naman ang takas sa mental hospital walang ambag sa kanilang anxiety 🤪

 

The Retired Identity: Notes from Underground

If we haven't met before, my name's Iya. This blog is called Notes from Underground because it's my absolute favorite novel about a man I would absolutely block on social media the second he starts ranting about his liver. If the narrator and I ever shared a table at a café, we’d probably get along for reasons that would make a random stranger eating a muffin reconsider having kids.

 

About me

I've always thought of life as one big survival game. Once you lose your life, it's game over. You don't get a practice round. Ever since I realized that, I've become my own science project. I'm the mad scientist. And I am also the little mouse running around doing all the tests. So my journal is where all the experiments end up. I write it all down so some random stranger can accidentally find it and make a meme out of my whole life before throwing it like a frisbee into a passing smelly-ass garbage truck.

 

 

The Rise and Fall: 𝕊𝕥𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝕓𝕪 𝕨𝕣𝕚𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘

I enjoy writing, doing research, and building my own understanding of things, and I think that’s one way I fight off brain rot and the habit of just consuming stuff without actually processing it. Or maybe I just get bored really easily. If you don’t know me yet, hello! I’m Iya.

About me

Sometimes I get interested in so many things at the same time, and then I get so overwhelmed that I don’t even know what to pick first. It’s funny ’cause I kinda look like I just froze, like I don’t even know what’s going on anymore. My little sister always wonders how I know so much random stuff, and I’m like, I dunno, maybe I’m a philomath, or maybe I’m just curious about way too many things. I’m actually super quiet in real life, but I’m usually thinking through a lot of questions.

Once I recover from my little mental collapse, I’m like, hmm, what looks the most interesting right now? And maybe that’s just how I process things. I can get really into doomscrolling too, but I can also get really into reading interesting science stuff, looking into things I don’t know much about, writing, working out, or singing songs in languages I don’t even speak.

 

Before the rebrand: The observer

A low-key, associative observer. My curiosity keeps turning everyday stuff into questions, and those questions often turn into little beta tests on myself. On a regular day, I’m just like an NPC until curiosity turns me into Sherlock Holmes’ secret apprentice.

 

(๑´0`๑) humihikab

if this is me being unserious

Oct 14. Cinderella's curfew

Nag-experiment ako kahapon. Sinubukan kong magpuyat hanggang alas- kwatro ng madaling-araw ma-gauge ang energy level ko. Kaso napansin ko lang, ba't parang galit yata mukha ko pagkagising? Ayun na nga, na-realize kong di ako pang-vampire life. Gumuho na rin ang pangarap kong maging bouncer sa mamahaling club. Biro lang.

I've tried staying up till midnight for weeks, too. I was rationalizing the behavior because I have a preference for independent study. But if I'm being real with myself… I felt like a literal empty shell. Mukhang hanggang sunset lang ang energy ko, noh? Pagpatak kasi ng alas-sais, mas lumalakas ang attachment ko sa kabilang buhay.

Mukhang kailangan kong i-adjust ang sales career sa oras ng tulog ko HAHAHA. Baka kailangan kong makabenta ng ₱20 million condo bago mag-sunset?

 

 

Oct 15
I

Why are lattes so good? Like, why does this taste like I’m on a coffee break in the Vatican and nonchalantly reading Latin inscriptions? Anyway, it’s almost 5, had to snag a chocolate caramel cupcake too. Thank God I’m single 'cause my card would decline if I bought two.

Anywho, I'm gonna watch The Cornish Mystery and probably a few more episodes. I think I’ve found my new obsession, and his name is Hercule Poirot. The fact that we both have a cleft chin makes me so happy. Now if only I’d gotten his brain cells too.

 

II

I’ll tell you what’s in my 'watch for fun' folder later. Or maybe I’ll just show you my inspiration wall. O kaya wag na lang pala. Anyways, don't you think what we watch says a lot about us? Sabi nila, malalaman mo raw kung ga’no ka-unhinged ang isang tao sa mga pinapanood niya. I'm kinda curious what you'd say.

Ewan ko ba kung anong gustong mangyari ng algorithm ko, di niya alam if I’m trying to get a six-pack in 30 days, realign my spine, or whether I even need a real Porsche with my nonexistent budget.

Oct 17
I. External observer

Lemme just have some hot matcha while I watch “How Much Poop Is Stored in Your Colon?” Oh, and I’ve got these tabs lined up, too:

24 hours with a Korean infidelity detective
https://youtu.be/NYgq9yQ4knI?si=koBk8zH1n41Tt4mh

How a billionaire spends 7 days
https://youtu.be/y8PFrYS86eo?si=wiRkLbhinfMAnXrq

I bought the cheapest item at every designer store
https://youtu.be/ZoZyp1USxkI?si=byP634yK4Eyijc5p
https://youtu.be/KvHKjahn__4?si=VXG9f7s7zFeZIhep

I visited the world's most expensive shop Harrods
https://youtu.be/GHJsEhFCkxY?si=LWpSM8_QYkQAUJmu

Nobody has ever seen an El Niño like this
https://youtu.be/cfT46UVhTfo?si=IBXrW8ULtlXN0-N9

I tried a secret billionaire hotel
https://youtu.be/4AO6hYtLuQE?si=dLbDhN7i3vXQpa_t

Why Charlie Munger is my greatest mentor
https://youtu.be/cNIQCiGsKkw?si=zmb_vV4mlOdaRERv

In 23 Minutes, you'll understand generational wealth
https://youtu.be/0wc2vBeAQEg?si=qtPRfaqLydhmEzls

Who needs a real Porsche anymore?
https://youtu.be/m_Vcl3_2SHQ?si=XhZzP3HFNgqUKOHm

The impact of sugar
https://youtu.be/HWiPHozN6F0?si=-vaFf7qkZCBZr40u

I made 5 fake dating profiles to see which aesthetic wins
https://youtu.be/dE9jVcPF4xQ?si=uqOTgprTH_ZabELu

Schopenhauer was right about women all along
https://youtu.be/iO503gY9N7E?si=eDJ01Ey_YTM_VnXj




II. Internal observer

You know what's kinda interesting? Something happened tonight, and it made me realize how our minds can just wander off somewhere we weren't even trying to go. I was just out getting some chicken and fries tas bigla ba namang bumanat ng love song yung tindahan. And of all the parts, Lord... ito pa ang sumalubong sa’kin: “Don't love me for fun, girl. Let me be the one, girl. Love me for a reason. Let the reason be love.”🎵

Huwag mong sabihing binasa mo lang yung lyrics. Anyway, can’t you just love someone without a reason?

Because if you think about it, if you fell in love with someone for a reason, couldn't you also fall out of love with them for a reason? And what happens when they stop being the person you fell for? What if the person who made you feel safe doesn't feel safe anymore? Or what if someone else comes along and has all the little things you fell in love with? Does your love change, too?

This is how I understand love while munching on fries

"I didn’t ask you to like me back."

Oct 18

I'm sitting here watching this, and three thoughts just came up. But I’m not gonna write that One, I got this random urge to pick Italian back up. Two, I wonder if getting married and settling down are even on my life's itinerary. And three, How the hell can I piece together a case but can't seem to wrap my head around why a certain someone keeps sneaking into my thoughts? Like, when I'm studying, watching stuff, scavenging for snacks, or just out for a walk. Ba’t naman ganon self haha

 

"Don’t you think that human beings tend to reproduce certain patterns?

Stereotyped patterns?"

— Triangle at Rhodes (1989)

Seriousness and playfulness

 

I. Poirot and Me

I wore my favorite navy-blue sweater today and headed to a little coffee shop nearby for a hot hazelnut coffee. Since it's Sunday, I thought I'd watch some Hercule Poirot. I want to break down how Poirot actually solves a case. What does he spot that gives him an advantage over everyone else? What does he catch while I'm confused as hell? How does he challenge his own assumptions? What about me tho? How do I challenge my own thinking?

Anyway, I'm finally cracking open Poirot and Me tonight.

 

II. Don't you love when you can just share
a space with someone and it's not awkward?

I like going to this little coffee shop. The barista here is super cute and makes really good coffee. He sings like nobody's listening, smiles at me, and doesn't try to make small talk. It's just so peaceful here.

 

 

III. An introvert walks into a conversation

I have a soft spot for friendly people, but it's like they bring out the unemployed comedian in me. If I'm put on the spot to introduce myself or like, if someone out of nowhere asks if I'm single or whatever, bigla kong maiisip yung asawa ko no’ng panahon ng mga dinosaurs.

She thinks too much for someone who likes hotdogs

 

Sep 11

I’ve been watching this Thai YouTuber ’cause I really like her style and wanted some inspo for dressing more girly but still kinda swaggy. But then I got way too invested and started picking up on how she does things, especially how she manages her money, work, time, and energy.

 

Like, she has these golden rules:

 

Don’t be too strict with yourself. It’s stressful.

Choose work that gives you the flexibility you value.

Don’t sacrifice sleep if it makes you think worse.

Organize your money into purpose-specific accounts.

 

This last part was what really won me over:

“I create a monthly income statement. Tracking all income and expenses. I can still go back and see exactly how much I earned that year… it helped me understand where my money is. How much I’ve saved, and how much I’ve grown this year. If I overspend on something, I’ll know to cut back next month. So now I have a good sense of what’s worth buying and what’s not.”

Sep 19
I. Reverse Card

I was actually supposed to be reading a book right now, but out of nowhere, I started wondering what kind of person I’d want to be with. Hmm. Now that I think about it, I don’t really expect anything specific. I guess I just care about whether I’m a good person to be with. Like, whether I can keep things funny and lighthearted while learning from my own mistakes and what I see around me.

 

II. Associative

Have you ever wondered why you even have a favorite color? My favorite color is white, and I also like soft colors. White just makes me feel super relaxed while soft colors are just like my little sister who’s always so happy unless someone manages to annoy her.

 

III. Pre-mortem thinker

I’m into systems thinking and behavioral psychology 'cause I get a kick out of breaking down where the hell other people and I screwed up. One principle I'm trying to apply now is Charlie Munger's idea that “all I want to know is where I'm going to die, so I'll never go there.”

 

IV. NPC

I like checking out food spots where everyone’s squeezed in together, like street food stalls or places inside a mall na halos kandungan na kayo ng katabi mo para lang makakain. And I also just like sitting back and looking at busy streets. Just watching strangers walk around while others sit at sidewalk cafés, laughing and chatting over a meal. Sometimes I even overhear what they're laughing about, and I get caught up laughing too.

I guess you could say I'm content with just looking at people but I don't want to talk to them watching what goes on around me. So if I’m opening up to you, just know I'm either gonna get straight to the point or it just means you’re someone I really, really care about.

Sep 21. Just a random thought I'm having

I had to squeeze through a crowd just to get some kwek-kwek from a food cart. I also got a matcha latte, but this is going to be my last one for a while before I completely cut out processed sugar. Let’s just say I want to see what happens to my face and body once I stop putting the usual not-so-healthy stuff into my system.

Which is kinda why I’m watching something about the psychology of beauty. Do good-looking people actually tend to be healthier, or do we just think they are? Hold on, am I just gaslighting myself into thinking they're healthy just because they look good?

Sep 22

I

I decided to take a break and try a few quizzes just to see what they might pick up about my thinking patterns.

One quiz said I’m wired to spot links between things and make sense of why I do what I do, but it still doesn’t know why all I can cook is boiled eggs. I laughed when it called me out for jumping from one interesting thing to another like I have no attention span, then just decided I’m an ambivert. Did this quiz just turn into a game of Two Truths and a Lie out of nowhere?

 

II
I got my lil sis a blueberry soda as a surprise. I realized I might’ve taken the teasing a little too far the other day and felt kinda awful afterward. When I get hyper, I’m like ten times more annoying than she is (oops).

 

III

You know how some people are like, super obsessed with Googling and researching stuff all day? Yes, I get locked in on that stuff too. Except my writing's way less about research and more about whatever I notice. Like, right now, I’m just looking at my homepage and this Vanessa Van Edwards name pops up, and come to find out she’s got this whole thing built around understanding human behavior. Okay, I’ve got like seven tabs open. Let’s see what I can learn from how she approaches this.

Sep 29

Yung pilit mong sinasabi sa sarili mo na part ng study aesthetic ang iced latte at sandwich para lang ‘di ka makonsensya sa diet mo (haha)

I’ve got 83 video lectures to work through, along with some pretty heavy reading. Before I get started, I want to establish why I’m going through all of this in the first place. And five days from now, what do I want to be able to explain or predict that I can’t yet? What problem will I be able to solve that I can’t solve now? And where am I actually going to use this?

I’m just getting ready for whatever gets thrown at me in sales. And there are two things I want to nail down.

One, I want to anticipate how I’m likely to respond when things go wrong. What if I work my arse off and still don’t close a single sale? How am I likely to behave when I’m actually out there prospecting, following up, and doing viewings, but they aren’t turning into sales? What happens to my thinking when I see other people succeeding and I’m not? Honestly, I don’t even wanna know. I'd rather just have a plan like I’m El Profesor’s protégé from La Casa de Papel.

Two, I want to be able to look at a situation and explain what made someone say yes after saying no.

 

Sep 30

I just had this really good iced Spanish latte, and now I'm watching a show about a billionaire hypnotist in Cape Town and thinking, I need to learn how to hypnotize myself into only wanting water. Anyways, I just wanna see if I can learn anything from him (or use it to troll my little sister) because I just can’t seem to watch anything normally.

Oct 2
I. Behavioral

Just got a caramel macchiato, and now I’m setting up for a 10-hour study block using 50/10 pomodoros. At least with the timer, I know when it’s time to get serious at kung kelan ako magsasayang ng buhay kado-doomscroll hehe. The Pomodoro’s just there to give my attention some structure 'cause I’m either hyper-focused or like completely brain-dead.

 

II. Psychological

If I ever got cheated on... how would I see it?

Like, would I just see it as a sign of someone who never actually respected themselves to begin with? Would I even want to look at a person who just throws away their dignity like it’s a used sanitary pad? Or would I just think, how can they even look at themselves after that and not feel cheap? So, why do I think this way?

I think some of this goes back to my dad.

When I was just a kid, my mom died of cancer. My dad used to tell me how she was constantly coughing up blood toward the end. Things got so bad that I had to go live with another family, and they raised me. And through all those years, my dad never had anyone else until he died in 2010.

Oct 3

I
It’s lunchtime. Am I even looking at my food right now? Nope. I don't even know why I'm sitting here drooling over supercars.

Oh, maybe because when I was a kid, my older sis had this whole collection of toy Ferraris, Lambos, and other exotic cars. God knows where she got them all. One thing I remember really well from when I was little is that I always had a thing for this little red Ferrari. I used to read the names on the boxes too, but I probably said them all wrong. Oh, and I used to smash the other cars into each other just for fun, then I'd wonder why the heck they were so tough to crack. And of course, I wish I'd known back then that I wasn't supposed to do that to supercars. Maybe that’s why I just moved on to playing Wolverine haha

 

II

Sobrang sarap ng matcha croissant, buti wala dito si Elyza. Pero okay lang, may pa-matcha strawberry naman ako sa kanyang pampalubag-loob. I also hid this little mystery box for her in my closet because she always snoops around in there for snacks anyway I noticed she looked pretty down when she got home from school the other day. So I decided to save it for her not-so-good days. Pwede siyang bumunot ng isa, o sige dalawa na para super happy siya tsaka para makapag-move on na ’tong batang ’to sa burger na kinain ko mag-isa.

Anyway, this was her back when she still had those chubby cheeks.

III

Alright, so I've been analyzing how the multi-millionaires and billionaires spend their days. Like, where does their time even go? How are these guys guarding their time? And then I got to thinking... what changes in the way they make decisions when money stops being a constraint? Like, when I’m broke, am I really gonna overthink buying a milk tea? Interesting yung difference between constraint-based purchasing and preference-based purchasing, noh?

Oct 6. How sitting by a window can be so expensive

I’m just sitting by the window and thought I’d write down whatever came to mind. Then one thought led to another and now I’m like, what if a blank check just landed in my lap right now? What the heck would I even buy first?! Maybe a racing simulator, a telescope, a microscope... what if I just buy out an entire manga collection instead?

Oct 7. There’s one kid who might absolutely destroy this narrative haha

A guy wrote this about me way back then:

 

“Makulit sya, pero hindi yung nakakainis, yung kulit na nakakatuwa, akala ko nga nung una seryoso syang tao pero hindi naman pala todo, may pagkamakalog din pala sya, sabe nga ”dont judge the book by its cover”, yan, isa din yan sa lagi nyang sinasabe.

,,at mahilig sya sa libro, aklat, novels, bible at mga research, in short mahilig sya magbasa. kapag may book masaya na sya, napakasimpleng ugali na magugustuhan ng kahit na sino (isa na ko don). kung isa syang book anu kaya sya? siguro mystery. bagay sa kanya ang ‘dont judge the book by its cover’, yung cover nya seryoso pero kalog pala page, yung cover nya malalim pero masasabayan mu palang basahin, yung cover nya hard (kase ayaw nya ng iyak) pero softhearted din naman pala ang nilalaman. makikilala mo sya kapag nakilala ka na nya, maybe ”its the book that didn’t judge who reads her”.

 

I wondered if he was just describing the little things he had picked up on, or if he was really trying to understand me. But if he was trying to understand me through what he observed, what was he telling me about himself without actually saying it?

Oct 9. The playful one

I

I'm easy to win over.

You know how some people spend hours learning things like it's gonna buy them a Ferrari, and others need a push? All you have to do is wave a hotdog sandwich in front of me and I'm sold.

II

I enjoy observing, too (I didn’t get eyes for nothing).

III

I can breeze through 160+ sales psychology Reels like it’s nothing. Maybe I have ADHD, but I'm no Dr. Sasha Hamdani so I don't even wanna know.

IV. This is so random

 

btw this was me at 29 

me at 30 with my L (Death Note) plushie

the unserious scorpio