Like two raindrops sliding down the same windowpane

Dear Friend,

I read your letter again and again, and each time it feels like sitting beside you in the rain. It slows something down in me, like a sadness I didn’t speak finally slipped away. Just gone, like a bird taking off on a breezy afternoon. When you treat the little things like they matter, I can’t help but wonder if they were actually everything all along. Maybe that’s what your world feels like too. Gentle. Unrushed.

 

And maybe that’s why you love slow moments in nature. There, you flop down on the grass to read or simply watch the clouds drift by.

Whether outside or in, you love the mellow spell of rainy weather, soft candlelight, and your daily ritual of tea. You're one of those rare ones who enjoys books the way others enjoy long talks with a friend. And just so you know, your face gives off kindness without even trying.

 

Hope you get a restful night wherever you are. Good night for now. : )

The Tutoring Diaries

Elyza and I spent the whole afternoon laughing while preparing in advance for her entrance exam next school year. You know, if it weren’t for a few math exercises, I’d be left with either a snoring kid or one who ghosted me like I’d handed her a mop. The other subjects bored her soul out of her body.

Tomorrow, we dive back into the subjects that nearly put me in a coma. Alright, no more jokes. Might as well toss in a few math scenarios to give our brains something quantitative to chew on while we finish the ones that made us stare into the lizard mid lesson.

 

P.S. Her mom shared with me she won’t be enrolling Elyza in any review center. Which means I’ve officially become the tutor, therapist, snack supplier, and the backup cheerleader all rolled into one.

And Then, Melancholy Came

I got drenched earlier on the way home, so I just walked slowly and enjoyed the rain.

Iba talaga ‘yung saya kapag naliligo sa ulan. Animo’y bawat patak ay sayang dumadaloy lampas sa isip, diretso sa puso. Parang napabalik ako sa panahong hindi ko pa kailangan ng saysay para tumawa. May tuwang hindi kailangang ipaliwanag habang tinatangay ng hangin ang payong at naliligo ka na lang sa ulan.

Walking in the rain is my favorite, because in those slow paces the clock loses meaning, like I’ve slipped into a world where minutes no longer matter, and the rest of the world melts away.

Above, the storm bled across the sky, as though mourning had taken form and fallen. Then came the rain, light, like the perfume of a memory that smiled before slipping away. Your heart didn’t speak in language, but in the pause when there's nothing left to say. And when we are most honest, most broken or real, even breath mourns what’s stolen.

 

Not Your Average Sixth Grader

I skimmed through my little sister’s practice exams and laughed because they’re no match for her. After we cover patterns, number sequences, and visual reasoning, I’m handing her the UK 11+ and Mathcentre tests for students aged 10 to 15, to sharpen her wits against fiercer foes. What can I say? She’s cool with challenges. But if it’s boring, she’s out. And so, I’ve made it my job to guard her from boredom-induced apathy.

Here she is before she started charging talent fees.🤣

I Open a Bottle, and Time Rewinds

Just had my all-time favorite, which is tofu with spicy sauce. Figured I’d have sponge cake and root beer next, while the outside world slowed down under the rain. You ever tie a drink to a person? Soda reminds me of my real dad. Didn’t matter if it was 7 a.m. or cold enough to make our bones shiver, we’d still share one. A secret tradition.

We didn’t get a lot of time together, but when we did, it was always simple and fun. Just walking and laughing about the most random things. I remember this one time when we were so tired we could barely breathe, yet somehow, we still found something to laugh about.

It was in 2010 that he left this world. I didn’t say much at the time, but something in me numbed over like frost. He left, and I never stood at his grave to say goodbye. I’ve loved no man the way I loved my father. Love, to him, was never explained. He taught it by the way he looked at me, and only me.

Then I saw you… weeping, remembering your father. It was unlike any sorrow I’d witnessed. You kept the scar he gave you, and you didn’t hide it. You didn’t even erase the memory of the only time he completely lost control and turned that rage on you.

We live in different worlds, yet I saw you.

Isn’t it strange how I wrote you into so many pages, yet you never even knew?

 

Probability ≠ Preference

It’s raining again. I forget sometimes how reflective I become over something as ordinary as coffee. Just a strong black coffee, no sugar, and some number patterns to play with, and everything clicks into place. I view math as the language of the universe, while English is the teddy bear my heart still talks to.

What a strange stretch of days this has turned out to be. I spent nine of them trying to pick just one path. But in the end, it wasn’t really about choosing. It was about believing I had to let one go. What I’ve come to realize is that whether it’s teaching ABCs to kids or FX to corporate treasuries, the equation’s the same.

Tomorrow is the Lord’s day. I will read, I will pray in Latin, et me somno tradam. 📓🪶

Reading, Overthinking, Vanishing

Whoops
So my bestie and I were deep in another universe-level convo, then somewhere between me laughing and my brain giving up, I started feeling kinda antsy. It wasn’t him or anything, I just thought he’d know stuff I didn’t. So yeah, maybe I’m the problem. But like, a cute one. Oh well, it’s already 2:25 and I forgot the scheduled eggs. Again.

Lunch with a Side of Existentialism
After having boiled eggs, I made toast. Or at least, something buttered. I poured some milk into a glass filled with ice, grabbed my plate and started munching. But me being me, I started thinking about how black holes die.

I’m Hopping Back on the Reading Train

Borrowed this digitally from Archive.org’s library

My reading list and real-life stuff are stacking up fast, so I’m taking a little journaling break for now. I’ll pop back in next month, or maybe the one after. For now, here’s some solid evidence that I used to read more than I participated in the human experience.🤣

Most of what my 11-year-old sister and I know? We picked it up just by being curious.

Elyza came into my room and casually said she taught herself to crochet without a hook. My brain short-circuited for a sec. Like, girl, how?! I had no idea how to even do one.🤭 While that crochet magic was happening, I taught myself how to solve a power tower over black coffee.  

My brain being my brain, of course it asked: as n → ∞, which monster wins—2^(2^(2^n)) or 100^(100^n)?

Kinda beautiful, isn’t it? 

P.S. I’ll tell her 2^(2^(2^n)) is a secret grown-up math puzzle that even adults don’t know… but I’ll turn exponentials into storytime while we snack on ice cream.

Caught myself smiling through this one. : )

The Accidental Brother Who Made Me Fall in Love with Writing

There was a time when I read your digital journal like it was a quiet lifeline. I didn’t know your face, or really know you at all, but your words felt like light in a dark hallway. I wonder if you ever realized they kept someone going. We were strangers, sure, but somehow you helped. Funny how I never went looking for an online friend, but somehow you became one anyway.

Just wanted to say I remembered you today, but don’t worry, I’m not about to get all mushy or anything.

At I:IX ante meridiem on the first day of the week🕯️

You know what made me laugh just now? I randomly remembered why I lost interest in the things I used to be so into. And why I quietly drifted away from the people I once genuinely liked. It wasn't some dramatic falling out, just that, over time, I could feel the lack of genuineness. I think, when I really sit with it, it all just came down to that one feeling. That hollow feeling you get when something just isn’t genuine. And once I felt it, I couldn’t pretend I hadn’t. And honestly? I’m actually grateful. Because instead of being caught up in words and all that surface-level stuff, I found something purer. You might not expect it, but it was math. Somewhere along the way, I stopped looking for meaning in people’s words and started finding it in equations. Even then, I never fooled myself into thinking I got all of it. If anything, I was confused 90% of the time and guessing the other 10. Somehow, I think that’s why math feels honest, the way it doesn’t need to lie just to make sense.

Giggling Like a Total Dork

So, I was in the middle of brainstorming with my bestie earlier. Just two clowns tryna be deep. I turn my head to the right and see my lil’ sister, just chillin’, dunking cookies in Nutella. Tossed her some logic puzzles, thought that’d snag me some solo time. Nope. She solved ‘em all quick then jumped right back into chat mode like her brain didn’t even stretch. Now I’m watching old Sherlock Holmes like I time-traveled to 1954, giggling to myself because maybe, just maybe, the cookie-dunker’s my Watson.

LMAOOO, she’d totally roll her eyes if she saw this. 🤣

I swear I was just eating toast. Why am I solving for X and ID’ing asteroids.

Started the day with toast and black coffee, mostly because of the rain. If it keeps going, tea’s next.  Guess the rain had me in a strange mood. Next thing I knew, I was knee-deep in a pile of grade 7 to 10 math and science books. I didn’t plan to, but I just kinda felt pulled toward this box of abandoned equations and science-y things. Funny thing is, while some folks collect validation, I collect textbooks.

Thursday’s scribble. ✍️

Kinda Like the Apple Falling

I don’t know what hit me, but I feel inspired. Wasn’t a feeling or anything, just kind of noticed my brain go from static to, like, full-on fireworks. Kinda funny, looking back, that school never lit any spark in me. I’d sit in class wondering if boredom could actually kill, and if so, how many times I’d already died and wished I’d stayed unconscious. Weirdly, I turn into a whole lightbulb when I learn on my own. Maybe that’s the part of Newton that pulls me in the most.

Every time I open my laptop, this image makes an entrance.