case file #01: a friend who just happened to be born in the wrong house

 

There was this case of a girl who went through abuse from her father and was just abandoned by her mother. Somewhere along the way, she stopped being able to feel for other people. It’s like her heart carried too much pain and had to close. On the outside she went about life like any other student, even covering her own tuition. By the time she graduated college, she had learned how to look okay on the outside, even though inside, she was living in her own hell.

 

Anyone can have their opinion about her crime. That’s their take, not mine. Deciding who deserves hell isn’t my job anyway. I’m not here to play judge. I’m trying to understand how hell gets built inside a person.

 

Kinda explains why people-watching’s my thing. Not that I’m wondering what they’re really feeling or trying to read them or anything. I’m no Sherlock Holmes, geez. I just like watching the cause and effect of people’s choices. That’s it.

High-stimulus learner

 

Painom na sana ako ng tubig nung sumulpot kapatid ko galing school. Parang may dalang breaking news, biglang sabi, “Ate iya, 24 lang ako sa Math test. Out of 50.” Sabi ko nalang muna, ipakita mo kay mommy mo (bago ako mag detective mode).

I just let it slide. You know why? When your little sister trusts you, there’s no need to ask anything.

Since I annoy her almost every day, I get to observe a few things about her. 

She never backs down from a challenge. 

She doesn’t fold under pressure. 

But if something bores her, you won’t even see the life in her face. 

 

I wonder if solo test-taking bores my nemesis 😆

Danger in Disguise

Last year, I came across two cases. One was a college student in an old neighborhood who was raped and had her money stolen by a plumber she had believed she could trust. The other was a girl in a condo who was killed by a close friend who had access to her place.

Sometimes I think “safe” is just a word we like to believe in. One victim trusted a stranger who appeared helpful. The other trusted someone they thought they knew well.

This made me pause and think about how I’d explain this to Elyza. But instead of just telling her that trust isn’t something you hand out like candy, I’d rather ask, “How would you navigate that?”

Yay!

 

Little sis’s the only one from her class heading to the Math contest again. And now I’m hyped ’cause she’ll be up against other math students from different branches. I asked her straight up if she’s struggling with other problems, so I can cook up a game plan. She said she’s dealing with like five or ten. And now I’m more curious about that stuff than who she’s up against. So I just gotta hang on ’til Friday to get the modules and reviewers.

Anyways, kiddo’s getting some ice cream tomorrow for being honest, and another one Friday. 🍦🍦

Azyle & Elyza Vinz

Forward-Facing

 

So I kinda didn’t take care of my health this past year.

Instead of fasting, I just kept eating stuff that’s useless for my body and barely walked all week. Kinda sucks that I haven’t really thought about jogging like I used to. I’d jog every other morning and go on long walks like three times a week. What did I even do with all the health advice I learned from Sinclair and Dr. Jamnadas? Oh well, no regrets. Never been one to cry over spilt milk anyway. I just like trying stuff out, and I either test things out or go all in and try everything once.

🌶️🧁

 

Unti-unti ko nang nagugustuhan ang pancit. Basta may konting anghang, mas masarap pa ’to sa spaghetti. I’ve noticed I barely feel like eating when the food isn’t spicy. But for snacks, I like sweet stuff though not too much.

🎧

 

I’m just gonna sing along for now, ‘cause my brain’s still half asleep. Can’t even pick between toast or peanut butter sandwich rn. You’re probably wondering if it’s kinda tough to sing along in another language.

Well, I just sing over and over till it stops sounding like gibberish. Kahit medyo mali pa, wala namang pakialam ang roommate ko. 😆

Busy-busyhan sa gawaing bahay kanina habang nakikinig ng Mandarin. Tomorrow morning’s for practicing the pronunciation.

“Sidelines”

 

I’m not sure how to say it, but being an observer just feels more like me. Even back in elementary, I already knew I’d rather just sit back than be the focus. I’d usually just pass the answer to someone else instead of being the one to speak up.

But there was this one time in high school where I was walking into class and this girl and her friends laughed, asking if Elaine and I had reviewed our notes. I forgot what else she was yapping about, but I remember how it felt. You just know that look when someone is laughing at your expense.

Elaine and I were introverts, and we honestly looked like total pushovers, haha. But then, I just told them to test me on the spot. After four or five questions, she realized she was barking up the wrong tree. 

Anyway, it all turned out fine. Cynthia and I weren’t exactly friends, but she’d always smile at me from then on.

tea & that flashback mood

 

Afternoon tea to the rescue

I just couldn’t focus on what I was observing earlier. I was up, but the interest just wasn’t there. It’s like looking at something simple but feeling like it’s written in Egyptian hieroglyphics. So, I’m just having tea and watching stuff for now.

 

 

We're just each other's first call whenever we find someone we like

Kanina lang, naka-chika ko yung close friend ko nung high school. Alam mo yung pag may bet kayo, puro delulu talk lang tapos tawa nang tawa, akala mo kami lang tao sa mundo?

Bigla ko tuloy naalala yung sa jeep kami dati, tapos sinuotan niya ako ng bracelet out of nowhere. Natulala pa yung girl sa harap namin, akala mo siya yung sinuotan ng bracelet. Mukha tuloy kaming mag-jowa non. Minsan naiisip ko, bakit nga ba hindi? May chemistry naman kahit sa jeep lang. HAHAHA

 

Pag nakalipat na 'ko, Tagaytay tayo ah.

I really miss you!

 

Fate

 

Kanta-kanta muna habang nagkakalamansi

Oh why haven’t I forgotten? 🎵

  

I am not perfect
But I’m willing to learn 🎵

Just ended up writing this

Mukhang survival skill pala ni Tatay yung pagkanta. Kwento niya, pag galit si nanay kumanta ka na lang to save your life. Even though he hardly ever talks about her, I can feel his heartache. I was just a little kid back then when Nanay wasn’t around anymore. Still, Tatay never went on to be with someone else.

Is this gonna be my fate too?

 

iba talaga ang tama ng bagong taon

 

Mas gusto ko na mag-jasmine tea kesa mag-iced coffee bigla. Sign na kaya 'to na kailangan ko na ng maintenance? (Haha!) Tapos imbes na donut, suman na 'tong hawak ko ngayon.

Kagabi nga, hindi ako nakapag-seafood at bbq. Ang hirap kaya mamili 'pag buffet-style ang handaan. Tinamad na 'ko pati kumuha ng plato.

And somehow, I’ve noticed I don’t enjoy coke or rootbeer anymore. I’m okay with just warm water now. Is this what getting older feels like? Or maybe, I’ve just watched too many videos about obesity to know that processed sugar is just bad news for my arteries and DNA. So why would I even go back to the way I used to snack?

These are the cases I end up watching in my free time

“…what we are searching for isn’t a person but the only hope in the difficult lives of the millions of families behind the missing people.”

“You’ve got a person dead from cyanide poisoning, but you can’t figure out when or where the poison got slipped to her? It means the poison was already in her body.”

“I’m the kind who either doesn’t begin something, or if I do, I have to see it through to the end.”